Gossip Girl (CW) — I would absolutely let Leighton Meester and Blake Lively violate me with a croquet mallet. And then I’d tell the world I had a threesome with them. And nobody would believe me. So I’d show them the pictures, and most people would never play croquet again. (full-size pic here)
10 Things I Hate About You (ABC Family) — Season premiere. This show should be canceled out of respect to Heath Ledger. Actually, just go ahead and get rid of the whole channel. Heath would’ve wanted it that way.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) — It’s a repeat this week, but I liked this image series on the right, so it makes the cut. (via)
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Last week’s debut actually toppled “American Idol” from the ratings, meaning wives and mothers all over America successfully wrested control of the remote from their brain-dead kids.
Pawn Stars (History) — Season 3 premiere. Yes, the third season is beginning a mere eight months after Season 1 debuted. Goddam, reality TV shows grow like algae. Why can’t “Mad Men” turn out seasons like that? Hey Matthew Weiner, WRITE FASTER!!!
Top Gear (BBC America) — This show has three British guys and I love it. “The Ricky Gervais Show” has three British guys and I can’t watch two minutes without getting tired of British accents. I have no way of explaining that.
Touched by Jesus (NatGeo) — Scientists use modern forensics to put some of Christianity’s biggest mysteries to the test. Don’t worry, I’m sure everything in the Bible is true.