Happy Labor Day, Internet

Links

Donate Money So Matt Will Wear Weird Underwear – I have never raised over $20,000 for any purpose in my life, including personal happiness, so if Matt Ufford wants to do it in the spirit of wearing a false mustache, so be it. It’s a good cause, and the only downside is in finding out that jeans-style boxer briefs exist. [Rapid Giving~]

What UFC Must Do To Avoid A Meltdown On FOX – 1) Give each fight a fictionalized back story, so every fight becomes interesting, 2) Pre-determine the results of the fights so the action and conclusions will be entertaining, 3) have people bounce back and keep running forward when they’re pulled into the cage by their arm. [Cage Potato]

Say Goodbye To The Belly Putter – Golf’s dumbest accessory is finally (partially) illegal. Thank Christ. Now we just need to ban tartan pants and fatness. [Devil Ball Golf]

“World’s Smallest Man.” Guess The Network – TLC is absolutely a Depression Era sideshow. Can we get this dude into an Inch High Private Eye movie, at least? [Warming Glow]

George Lucas Can’t Stop Adding Dialogue To Star Wars – There is no joke to be made here that Family Guy hasn’t made 300 times, but Lord, you’d think George Lucas could be happy with the one thing he helped make that wasn’t absolutely terrible. American Graffiti sucked, deal with it. [UPROXX]

Video: Arnold and John Milius On Conan Probably the best commentary track ever, once you’re of a certain age and stop finding Kevin Smith funny. Arnold’s weird interest in the movie parallels my own, where I’m watching and going OH HERE COMES THE GUY WHO BUYS CONAN as if anyone listening could possibly care. [Film Drunk]

Anti-Duckface – Occasional duckface can be cute, if there is ironic context, or if the girl is hot enough. Constant duckface is a red flag for I DO NOT HAVE CONFIDENCE IN MY LOOKS and should be replaced with Not Taking Pictures. [Antiduckface]

The Ultimate Image Of Boston – A follow-up to the above link. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Apollo 18 Still Looks Like Paranormal Blair Witch Moon – Blair Witch is scary because I could go into the woods at night and be killed by something. Paranormal Activity is scary because someone could get me while I’m sleeping and kill me. Apollo 18 is not scary because none of us are ever going to the f**king moon to be attacked by secret monsters. [Gamma Squad]

Football Guys – In case you missed it, Jon of The Dugout fame has started doing our Deadspin feature “Football Guys” at SB Nation. Guess what it is about! [SBN]

Superbook: The Flood – An old thing I wrote for Progressive Boink about Christian anime that you should read, find funny, and e-mail somebody about so I can get out of this sports writing racket and go where the good money is, in stream of consciousness reviews of old cartoons. [Progressive Boink]

10 Actors Who Should Be More Famous – Ten pictures of that guy who played Alan M. in Josie and the Pussycats, helped kill David Gale (or something) and showed up a few times to almost nail Betty Draper on Mad Men. Ten photos. [Pajiba]