The Long Island Pickup Basketball Community Must Surround Adam Sandler With Better Shooters

Are you a capable three-point shooter who lives in the Long Island, New York area? Then please find the park where Adam Sandler is apparently playing pickup basketball every day because the Sandman needs YOU.

On Monday morning, video of Sandler playing pickup basketball in a polo shirt and what one can only assume to be XXL basketball shorts went viral. I’m not 100 percent sure why video of Adam Sandler playing basketball goes viral so often, as he loves playing basketball more than I think anything else in the world and there are these kinds of videos that pop up quite regularly, but there is a joy to watching him out there in his incredibly baggy clothes playing the most fundamentally sound basketball you’ve ever seen in a game of pickup hoops.

However, there is a glaring issue facing Sandler based on the two videos we have from his latest appearance on the blacktop: no one can knock down a f*cking shot for him. Just look at these two beautiful feeds to open three-point shooters who don’t come close to cashing in on the Sandman dimes.

I am begging you, Long Island Pickup Basketball Community. Do better. Look at how dejected Sandler is after his feed on the first video results in the basketball crashing into the backboard. How do you even go about your day after that? For the rest of your life, you’ll be waking up in a cold sweat replaying that moment in your mind. Sandler, drawing all the eyes of the defense, kicking it out to you right in the shooting pocket, you rising up confidently only to miss the rim completely, and finally, you see Sandler, the source of so much joy for so many, despondent that his efforts were all for nothing.

In the second clip, Sandler is out here setting screens for folks, gets the ball back, recognizes the defense is sagging and skip passes it to the corner for a wide open three that clangs off the rim. Sandler was getting ready to celebrate you and you can’t do anything but leave it short on the front iron? Disgraceful. Get it together, Long Island. You’ve been blessed by the presence of Adam Sandler in his business basketball casual attire and this is the best you can do?