Best (and Worst) NBA nicknames according to Dime readers

03.09.10 9 years ago 83 Comments

Last week we asked the Dime faithful for your favorite and least-favorite NBA nicknames. Reader Chaos best summed up ours and everyone else’s general feeling: “We need to start giving players real nicknames man. I miss those days. How can you beat Hakeem the Dream, Air Jordan, Sir Charles, The Admiral, Clyde the Glide and The Worm. All the names these days are lazy like Melo, CP3, CB4, King James, Joe Jeezy … smh.”

There weren’t any consistent rules in determining good and bad nicknames. Case in point, giving yourself a nickname (e.g. Sasha “The Machine” Vujacic) was mostly considered in bad taste, unless you’re a future Hall of Famer (e.g. Kobe “Black Mamba” Bryant, or Shaquille “The Big [Whatever]” O’Neal). As reader nola said, “I dont like Shaq all that much but I’ve got to admit, all of the words that were on that Scrabble board in the ESPN commercial have got to be the top nicknames EVER.”

From our unofficial tally, the best and worst handles for current NBA players:

“The Truth” – Paul Pierce
“The Matrix” – Shawn Marion
“Flash” – Dwyane Wade
“Diesel” – Shaquille O’Neal
“Tough Juice” – Caron Butler
“AK-47” – Andrei Kirilenko
“The Answer” – Allen Iverson
“Vinsanity” – Vince Carter
“Half-Man Half-Amazing” – Vince Carter
“Bad Porn” – Corey Maggette
“Black Mamba” – Kobe Bryant
“The Gooch” – Glen Davis
“Boom Dizzle” – Baron Davis
“The Polish Hammer” – Marcin Gortat
“Birdman” – Chris Andersen
“The Big Ticket” – Kevin Garnett
“White Chocolate” – Jason Williams

“Durantula” – Kevin Durant
“The Machine” – Sasha Vujacic
“Vanilla Gorilla” – Joel Przybilla
“The Gooch” – Glen Davis
“The Rooster” – Danilo Gallinari
“King James” – LeBron James
“Black Mamba” – Kobe Bryant
“Boobie” – Daniel Gibson
“DaWhite Howard” – David Lee

What are the No. 1 best and worst nicknames?

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