Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra was “the puppy I just bought died today” sad on Wednesday night, as his team fell short of the postseason despite kicking the snot out of the Washington Wizards. The Heat finished 41-41 to miss the playoffs by one measly game, and Spoelstra opened his postgame press conference with a speech right out of the saddest movie ever.
It’s tough to pick out the most uncomfortable part of this speech.
The 25 seconds of silence mixed with heavy sighing?
All the talk of how the team got to know each other?
Spoelstra’s feeling that he let the team down?
That the team doesn’t have practice at 12?
The basketball gods letting him down?
The feeling of mutual love between the players and Spoelstra?
If you just change all the plural pronouns and use of “group” to singular pronouns, this speech about missing the playoffs is indecipherable from one about a bad breakup.
“It became a group that loved each other and weren’t afraid to tell each other that.”
“We made each other better.”
“I wish I had something for this team just to keep this thing going.”
“I’ll miss hopping into bed with this group and watching Netflix before getting freaky.”
So that last quote isn’t real, but you’d understand if it was.