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Everyone In The World Wouldn’t Have Stopped Dirk…

Dirk Nowitzki is kind of a decent player. We can give him that because we already used up pretty much every adjective, verb, adverb, noun, clause, subject-predicate, picture, sentence, word ever associated with the English language to describe his 48-point performance on 12-for-15 from the field and 24-for-24 from the line (an NBA playoff record by the way) in the Mavs’ 121-112 Game 1 win over Oklahoma City. That boy is a bad man. So much for rust Dirk jumped out right away, scoring 10 of the game’s first 18 points. The Notorious J.V.G. immediately thought they needed to take Serge Ibaka off him, saying “This is just too much for him right now.” Nowitzki had 16 points before he even missed a shot. We love Ibaka (17 points), but he was so confused. We can just see Scottie Brooks in the huddle, trying to calm his young forward down. Dirk missed just one shot in the entire first half on his way to 21 points. Then in the second half, it just got stupid. In the third quarter, they tried KD on him, and Durant had two fouls within 30 seconds. Dirk was going through the whole OKC roster: Serge? Busted him. Check. Collison? Please. Check. KD? Nope. Check. Perk? Don’t even try. Check. By the end of the third quarter, it was over. Every jumper was pure. He hit one shot, a fadeaway off one foot, banked it in…all we could do was shake our heads. That was some Larry Bird right now. His shot-making rattled the Thunder so much that they nearly unraveled in the third quarter; Dirk was so good that he could’ve had the Dos Equis man saying: I once guarded Dirk Nowitzki…and he didn’t score on me. All night, Dallas did whatever they wanted offensively, whether it was getting to the line, hitting shots in the lane or finding open threes for Jason Terry (24 points). After the first 10 minutes, it was automatic. OKC could never really make a run because they couldn’t stop the Mavs … As crazy as Dirk was playing, J.J. Barea (21 points in 16 minutes) might’ve been even more outta control. In the fourth quarter, he was making Nate Robinson look like a high schooler (even though he already does). We almost felt bad for Nate; Barea was scoring from deep, in the lane, all of it in Robinson’s grill. He was such a beast that even Andrew Bynum had to shower him with love. Mark Jackson called Barea the Puerto Rican Allen Iverson, setting up the perfect comeback: “So he doesn’t like to practice?” … Our favorite matchup of the WCF? Tyson Chandler vs. Kendrick Perkins, or the guy OKC didn’t want vs. the guy they did. Remember, Chandler would’ve been a Thunderman if he hadn’t failed a physical two years back. Then Boston never trades Perk, all of their players don’t whine and cry, Danny Ainge doesn’t look like a fool, Miami doesn’t win and Doc Rivers gets to say “OUR STARTING LINEUP IS STILL UNDEFEATED!!!” Yeah! … So are these still the same Mavs? Have they shut everyone up now? Or do they have to win a championship to, you know, not be called soft as pudding anymore? … Weirdly, OKC jumped out early as Dallas missed their first six threes. The first quarter felt close, but after Durant (the quietest 40 point, eight rebound game ever) covered the entire court in like four seconds to finish at the buzzer, OKC was up seven. But it didn’t take long for the Dallas bench to turn the game around. The second quarter is going to be a key all series for the Thunder, and in this one Dallas just kept coming with a 16-3 run to end the half to put the hosts up. The Thunder are going to need more from Russell Westbrook (20 points, 3-for-15 shooting) if they want to get it going, and at least a little from some of the other guys on the roster … James Harden wore a headband last night. This guy gets more retro 1970’s every game. We guarantee that by the start of next year, he’s rocking some nut huggers and knee sleeves … What’s Vinny Del Negro doing right now? Probably sitting on his couch shaking his head and saying to himself, “Ah, so close to having another great young guard I could try to screw up with my intricate late-game strategy and head-scratching rotations.” Cleveland can thank L.A., who traded them the pick that became this year’s top draft pick in the Baron Davis/Mo Williams February deal. The Clippers were doing damage control almost immediately last night, and might’ve been saying something like: “Um…well, we traded the pick…but if we hadn’t, we would’ve never gotten Williams who helped us finish the year 11-11…um, damn it!” We’re sure Clipper fans are glad to hear that considering they missed out on a Kyrie Irving/Blake Griffin combo … For Cleveland, all current signs (like Dime’s first mock draft) point to them taking Irving with the top pick. It’s a good day in Ohio. When your owner’s son has more swag than anyone on the team, you know it’s time to upgrade the on-court product … If you’re a Nets fan, would you rather have Deron Williams (with no clear future intentions)? Or the No. 3 pick (with no clear choice)? … We’re out like Clipper damage control.

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