We’re technically well past the official first half of the 2019-20 NBA regular season, but who is really counting? Real ones know All-Star Weekend is the true halfway point of the season.
Before we get ready to really start analyzing NBA standings, figuring out what the best first round matchups might be, and wondering if the Karl-Anthony Towns will go months without winning an NBA game again, let’s take a moment to look back and remember all of the best soundbites from the first few months of this season.
You might be surprised to find out Kawhi Leonard tops this year’s list, or maybe not, if you were paying attention to all of his legendary classic deadpan moments during his championship run in Toronto last year. Or did you forget Brad Stevens and his favorite Thanksgiving dish? Or Patrick Beverley responding to a reporter suggesting he scraps like Matthew Dellavedova with “nah, I scrap like Patrick Beverley?” Or Knicks PR feeling the need to send out a clarification tweet because Richard Jefferson claimed he didn’t want to sign with the Knicks?
Without further ado, here are 100 mostly hilarious, but occasionally insightful quotes from the first half of the 2019-20 season, presented in no particular order:
“When I was out for those seven weeks and not saying anything and still people are still saying things about me. It’s inevitable. They crucified Martin Luther King for speaking about peace and social integration.“ — Kyrie Irving
“I told him to dunk everything.” — Alvin Gentry on the advice he gave Zion Williamson before his first NBA game
“He’s one of the best shooters in the history of basketball. 100 percent from three, so I don’t want to hear nothin.” – Tobias Harris after Ben Simmons hit his first three of the season
“I don’t do drip or money or fashion, I do art.” — Serge Ibaka
“My outfit probably cost as much as one of your socks.” – Fred VanVleet on Serge Ibaka’s fashion
“We were calling him Ben Simmons, but Ben hit one so shout out to both of those guys.” – Jaylen Brown on Grant Williams’ nickname while he was going through a cold streak from three
“For clarification purposes, it is not true that the New York Knicks offered Richard Jefferson a contract in either the summer of 2018 or 2019.” – New York Knicks PR account after Richard Jefferson said he spurned the Knicks during free agency on a broadcast
“I was sort of like, what the f— man? Some dude just won $100,000 doing the same s— in L.A. and I get some bum ass lottery tickets.” — Anthony Peterson, after winning $1,000 worth of lottery scratchers from hitting a half court shot at a Knicks game
“If I had gone to New York that would’ve been me like three years ago… So, I think I made the right choice.” — Steve Kerr on David Fizdale’s firing
“I’m happy for Fizdale to be out of that terrible mess that he had nothing to do with.” – Rick Carlisle on David Fizdale’s firing
“We don’t wana hear this punk Ass shit.” — Damian Lillard responding to NBA referees admitting they blew a goaltending call
“If you build it, they will come. You ever seen that movie?” – Jim Boylen, asked about why he thinks the wins will come
“I just wish we were in sweatsuits. I’m serious. I’m a big proponent of gym shoes and nice-looking sweatsuits. You don’t have to worry about ties and coats and changing and dragging all of that stuff around.” – Gregg Popovich
“It’s got a base of pretzels, something very unhealthy, and then jello and strawberries on top. It’s outstanding.” – Brad Stevens on his favorite Thanksgiving dish
“Joe be running like he running from the police.” – Jaylen Brown on having to chase Joe Harris around on the court
“New Orleans fans should probably boo their own team for letting him get 40.” – Kyle Kuzma, after Anthony Davis scored 41 points in his return to New Orleans
“The Bad News Bears. Not the Bad News Bears in a bad way, but ‘we’re gonna bring bad news to the other team.’ That type of bad news.” – Dwight Howard trying to come up with a nickname for the Lakers’ second unit
“Everybody loves to label you when you’re down, when you’re losing. That’s easy. It’s easy to go on TV and say whatever you want. It’s easy to throw darts at a team trying to figure it out…Say whatever you want to fill that 24-hour news cycle. It’s cool with us.” – Steph Curry
“I don’t know. I guess equal. They’re both cool.” – OG Anunoby on whether he prefers getting steals or blocks
“I need to go lift some weights or something. I wasn’t prepped for this.” – Steven Adams, after finding out Boban Marjanovic was on the Dallas Mavericks
“I keep on looking down and I’m seeing Terry Stotts’ chest hair hanging out, and that’s not a good look for anybody.” – Mike Malone after Terry Stotts wore a retro fit to a Blazers preseason game
“We’re not in trouble, but if we think we’re not in trouble, we’re in trouble.” – Mike D’Antoni
“Soooooo… At this Pumpkin patch in Portland with the family and someone came up to ask me if I was Jerry Rice.” – Anthony Tolliver
“Al, we don’t like you no more! But you got beautiful eyes!!!” – A Celtics fan to Al Horford in his return to Boston
“The NBA was shocked the Suns won, they tested the kid right after the game.” – Charles Barkley on Deandre Ayton’s suspension
“Hopefully, I pass him in rings.” – Nikola Jokic after being told he passed Michael Jordan on the all-time triple doubles list
“You guys are all herbs. But not you Berman.” – An upset Knicks fan yelling at press row.
“We’re not doing load management, we’re the Miami Heat.” – Erik Spoelstra
“The reality is we fucking suck right now…We just not that good right now. I don’t know what better way to frame it. I can try in Spanish, but I ain’t really that good at Spanish.” – Draymond Green
“I appreciate Laker fans so much for riding with me. I don’t know why they chose me.” – Alex Caruso
“I’m not young. I’m 24.” – Kyle Kuzma
“Hey man… don’t fuck this up for me.” – J.J. Redick telling Zion Williamson about his 13 for 13 playoff streak.
“Better to stay home and take their kids to the International House of Pancakes, or wherever the hell you go now. I don’t know. I used to go to Taco Cabana.” – Gregg Popovich on why he cancels shootaround
“We are defensively challenged. That’s a political term for ‘we suck’” – Gregg Popovich
“So happy for my ugly ass friend!!” – Isaiah Thomas reacting to Jaylen Brown’s $115 million contract extension
“Bryce Harper is gone too, but where are the Nationals. I’m not ready to short sell these guys.” – Alvin Gentry on not counting out the Toronto Raptors
“Y’all a little different without KD, I see… Y’all cheated long enough. It’s ok. Y’all had a good run. Back to reality.” — Patrick Beverley to Chase Center staffers after the Clippers blew out the Warriors on their home opener
“Nah nah. I scrap like Patrick Beverley.” – Patrick Beverley, after being told he scraps like Matthew Dellavedova
“@JimmyButler talk slick to buddy from the Pacers. Both games against K homie been quiet as a church mouse!!! b gangsta all the time. Goodnight.” — Patrick Beverley
“Players don’t [sleep on him]. He’s got the longest paragraph on the scouting report. He can do everything. You can’t dribble around him cuz he’s gonna steal the ball. It’s still tough for me to pull out all my shit against Kawhi.” – Kevin Durant on Kawhi Leonard
“I mean, that’s our job.” – Kawhi Leonard, on ruining Golden State’s opening game at Chase Center
“What do you want me to say? Patrick threw me the ball, I took two dribbles into the paint and tried to jump high and I dunked the basketball.” – Kawhi Leonard, explaining a dunk
“I have like an ‘F you’ symbol.” – Kawhi Leonard on what he got engraved on his championship ring
“Private. I don’t discuss that with you guys.” – Kawhi Leonard, on what Christmas Eve is like in the Leonard household
“Even after me signing with the Clippers, Canadians came up to me and they said thank you for everything I’ve done. They’re very nice people.” — Kawhi Leonard
“I’m gonna walk.” — Kawhi Leonard on how he’s going to get to his jersey retirement ceremony in San Diego
“Just take it home. I don’t know. I might shoot with it.” — Kawhi Leonard on what he’s gonna do with the gameball from his first career triple-double
“Welp…. thanksgiving is going to be weird….” – Austin Rivers, after getting the refs to call a technical foul on his dad Doc Rivers
“No, I played them in the Finals without Kyrie and Kevin, so… no.” – LeBron James, on whether it was weird to play the Warriors without Steph and Klay
“I’d say nine, because if I say 10 then my dog will get jealous.” – Luka Doncic, answering a question of how cute it is that someone named their dog after him on a scale of 1 to 10
“I know you can read and seeing I haven’t been playing defense the last couple of years, but it’s a new year.” – LeBron James to a ref after being called for a foul
“A miss is a lady last time I checked so I don’t know what a miss is.” – Bradley Beal
“Saw a headline on ESPN. Heard a little bit of dialogue last night. I had the game on mute because Webber was doing it.” – J.J. Redick on TNT’s criticism of Joel Embiid
“A.I. only stands for Allen Iverson to me so if you talmbout artificial intelligence, you gotta make that known.” – @Gifted_Gab
“I missed the flight and I was like, ‘Shit, I don’t want to take a private (jet), about $95,000.’ … Fucked up my debut.” – Rajon Rondo on missing his 6am flight to cameo in “Uncut Gems”
“That the game is over.” – Lloyd Pierce after being asked for positives after a 20-point loss to the Bulls
“I’m alright. It’s a basketball play, got hit. It’s not the first bruise in my life. I’ve been in some fights in my neighborhood before. I’m alright.” – George Hill after being hit in the face
“His strength is going to the bank twice a month and stealing money.” – Charles Barkley on Hassan Whiteside
“I don’t know, man. Meet me at the cleaners.” – LeBron James on the notion that he is washed
“That was the biggest moment of the day right there. First win on the coach’s challenge. I don’t know what was more important, the coach’s challenge win or the game win.” – Nick Nurse on winning his first coach’s challenge
“I disagreed with that call and I’m never going to let a grown man tell me I can’t talk.” – Draymond Green on his ejection
“Hi mom! Hi dad! Hi family!” – Boban Marjanovic being interviewed after his first double-double of the season
“You can’t swim? Oh you got some hood tendencies.” – Jimmy Butler after Tyler Herro admitted he can’t swim
“When I got to New York.” – Carmelo Anthony on when he stopped reading articles
“He was talking Slovenian. So I was like, ‘who’s talking my language?’ I saw Kobe and was really surprised.” – Luka Doncic on Kobe speaking Slovenian to him
“I just had a vision. And when I saw that vision of what he could be, visually, I made it happen. I told him to get the haircut, also. Haircut. Headband. What happened? He went out there and flew. Like the eagle that he is.” – Javale McGee on telling Alex Caruso to wear a headband
“when i say “give me 5 minutes”… i mean 5 basketball minutes & both teams still have all their timeouts.” – @msmadshep
“I absolutely shit my pants.” – Steven Adams on the pressure of hitting a late game free throw
“If I want us to have practice, I ask Pat. If I don’t want us to practice, I ask Lou.” – Doc Rivers
“He’s different. He’s an alien.” – Giannis Antetokounmpo on LeBron
“The kid jumped over me. Can you do a medical retire and still get all your money?” – Kevin Love on Ja Morant
“I’m sorry. I just wanted a Frosty.'” – Isaiah Thomas on what a Sixers fan said to him when he went into the stands to confront him
“There’s house cats and alley cats, and this is an alley cat.” – Derek Harper on Chris Boucher
“Nobody wants to see fouls either.” – James Harden responding to a Spurs fan who said “nobody wants to see a free throw shooting contest.”
“toxic masculinity is putting $155,000 on a three way parlay during the 2012 nba eastern conference semifinals.” – @nickusen
“He’s soft. He’s not even in my [expletive] league, nowhere near me. If I was their coach, I would never put him on me ever again.” – Jimmy Butler on TJ Warren
“It kind of hit me in July when it happened.” – Billy Donovan on whether there was a moment against the Rockets when it hit him Russell Westbrook was on the opposing team
“I’ve been in the league for a long time so I’m more used to them like this.” – Doc Rivers on whether it’s weird to see the Warriors being this bad
“It feels fucking amazing. I never thought I’d be so excited about two regular season wins in my life.” – Draymond Green
“They are the Cleveland Browns of the NBA.” – Charles Barkley on the Philadelphia 76ers
“I’m still going to do the burner thing… I just slipped up that one time.” — Kevin Durant
“I want someone that’s gonna pass the ball.” — Giannis Antetkounmpo while taking Kemba Walker over James Harden in the NBA All-Star game draft
“Every time I see him and say, ‘Hey, Bron,’ he just calls me GOAT. The first couple of times it kind of threw me off. Now it’s just an everyday thing.” — Alex Caruso
“The NBA is different than the game I fell in love with at the beginning of all the best players in the All-Star game growing up.” — Devin Booker, who is 23, on his All-Star snub
“Nobody is going to win tonight. Kobe is gone, his family isn’t going to get him back, and this is just basketball.” — Damian Lillard on whether he felt bad winning at Staples Center on a night dedicated to Kobe Bryant
“It’s Super Bowl Sunday! I want to get out of here.” — Raptors broadcast legend Jack Armstrong after Bulls head coach Jim Boylen called a timeout down 25 points with a minute left in the game
“You put him in the cage with a bunch of cats, he’s gonna growl. You put him in a kennel with a bunch of dogs, he’s gonna be right at home.” — Udonis Haslem on Jimmy Butler
“As Celtics fans, we didn’t think Kobe Bryant could break our hearts one more time. We were wrong.” — Sean Grande, Celtics radio voice
“We got blew out in Portland. He took everybody Kobe’s and said they couldn’t wear it because we was soft.” — Lou Williams remembering Kobe Bryant
“It works.” — Damian Lillard responding to a fan on Instagram who called out him for having an iPhone 7
“You know I’m the last person you want to see in the playoffs.” — Damian Lillard to Russell Westbrook
“Yeah, but Terry [Stotts] would probably lose it if I did that.” — Damian Lillard on whether he’s considered shooting from the other side of the halfcourt line
“We can possibly hear boos at our own parade.” — Lou Williams on the Clippers winning a title
“Rules to posting your gameday fit pic : Never post b4 the game only after. If you do you look thirsty lol. .. never post after a lost maybe the next day depending on how the game went and or how you did lol . More Prophet P rules about GameDay fit pics coming soon!!” — Nick Young
“Can’t guard me. Impossible.” — Russell Westbrook to Damian Lillard, as the Rockets trailed by 14 in the fourth quarter
“I really believe this. There are more guys concerned with getting a pregame fit on Instagram than they are worrying about the win and loss of a basketball game.” — J.J. Redick
“One of my fav white boys.” — Terry Rozier’s note on an autographed jersey for Daniel Theis
“How crazy is this? I used to have a poster of Vince Carter in my room… then I played against him… now I coach against him and he is still playing!” — Tiago Splitter
“We’re having a lousy season. We’re gonna run on the floor. If you gotta call a T, call a T.” — Steve Kerr on the Warriors’ bench celebration against the Rockets on Christmas Day
“I’m the only guy who can dunk without jumping. We’d get some 10s.” — Boban Marjanovic on why he should be in the dunk contest
