Apparently working alphabetically through Urban Dictionary sex acts, Joaquin Phoenix is following up his Cleveland-steamer performance art documentary (more like performance FART *toilet flush* slow and go out there, look out for brake lights)… with a comedy in which he plays a “a footware designer with an intense foot and shoe fetish.” Wait, Cleveland Steamer, C…. Shoe Fetish… S… HEY! Did they skip over glass-bottom boat again? Ugh, this always happens.
Phoenix has been getting offers for movie roles and is currently attached to a project called titled Big Shoe in which he will play a footware designer that has an intense foot and shoe fetish. The script has been described as being “out there but cool” and blends the line between comedy and drama. Steven Shainberg, best known for the 2002 Maggie Gyllenhaal film Secretary, will direct. [CinemaBlend]
A meta-fetish foot-sex dramedy? I mean, that could be cool, as long as they’re treating it ironically. (*strums ukulele, throws away Keffiyah scarf for being too corporate*) Anyway, Vulture today adds that Mia Wasikowska from Alice in Wonderland has also joined the cast. I guess I’m not weird enough to understand the it’s-sexy-because-she-wants-to-be-his-slave angle to Secretary, but everyone with even a passing interest in S & M and bondage seems think it’s super sexy (don’t ask me how I know, dude, I’ve worked some weird places). Maggie Gyllenhaal showed her boobs a lot, so there’s that. Hard to say if we should expect similar with Wasikowska, but I’ll be happy only when all the foot-fetish guys are rounded up and sent to camps. Seriously, those weirdos are creepier than the human centipede guy. Even tentacle rape makes a sick sort of sense. But feet? What the hell is wrong with you, man.