10 hilarious tweets from the great Dana Gould

Dana Gould is one of my favorite comics, and for that reason alone, he should be one of your favorite comics too. A decades-long mainstay who wrote for seven seasons of “The Simpsons” and now seems to be on every podcast ever, all the time (I recommend his “Showgirls” commentary as done by Huell Howser), Dana has a special out called “I Know It’s Wrong” as well as a new podcast of his very own.

And hey, he’s also super funny on Twitter! Here are 10 of Dana’s funniest jokes.

10. There’s something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

9. The fact that Fred Flintsone ate brontosaurus burgers seems less charming when you realize Dino was also a brontosaurus.

8. Have been watching Bravo. When did America’s favorite sport become watching assholes cook dinner?

7. Would someone please tell iPhone’s auto/correct that there is such a word as “fuck.” It’s like running my jokes past a pilgrim.

6. When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he’s on the toilet.

5. A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.

4. “The Thing” is a prequel to “The Thing” which is a remake of “The Thing” which is about a monster that duplicates itself.

3. “Dancing With The Stars.” I count two lies in that.

2. Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig’s Disease, which doesn’t bode well for my friend Horrible Peniscancer.

1. I haven’t seen “Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close,” but I assume it’s a documentary about talking to drunk people.

Previously:

10 hilarious tweets from comedian and actress Charlene deGuzman

10 hilarious tweets from Mary Charlene aka @IamEnidColeslaw

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Jamie Lee

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Alison Agosti

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Brian Gaar

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Kevin Seccia