When you think of breakfast cereal, your mind usually wanders to your childhood. Images of sugary, multi-colored, fruity cereals come flooding in from your subconscious. This is usually followed by vivid memories of Saturday mornings spent in your pajamas wolfing down bowl after bowl of Lucky Charms, Fruit Loops, or Cocoa Pebbles while watching your favorite cartoons. At no point does ‘not safe for work’ or ‘adult’ come into the equation when thinking of sugary breakfast cereal. That is, until now.
London-based company Cereal Motel decided that your favorite nostalgic breakfast cereals needed some porn-ing up so to speak. That is to say, they created a line of cereals that you definitely will want to eat in private.
“Cereal Hotel isn’t your average Holiday Inn,” they say. “We serve up crazy, sexy, cool cereal with attitude.”
That might be the understatement of the century. They say that their cereals get their inspiration from “pop-culture, fashion, music, art and film,” but it seems like they mostly get their ideas from late night Cinemax viewing. Varieties include: Porn Flakes, Vice Krispies, Booty Pops, and the aptly named Sugar Tits.
This cereal is pretty much the same thing as the classic cereal Corn Flakes except the box has a picture of a cartoon character that is covered in… milk?
It looks like this cereal was based on the Paul Thomas Anderson film Inherent Vice. It looks like it might be their version of Cocoa Krispies, but who really knows.
This cereal is definitely based on the pop-culture phenomenon that is Kim Kardashian. Specifically, the magazine cover that “broke the internet”. The cereal itself appears to be their version of Coco Pops.
This might actually be the most provocative of all of Cereal Hotel’s offerings. The box is adorned with the aforementioned “Sugar Tits”, a chesty mermaid. This is also their version of Frosted Flakes. Who needs Tony the Tiger anyway?
It’s probably best not to bring a box of one of these cereals into work. You might get a chuckle from your coworkers if you pull out a box of Count Chocula. But if you plop one of these down on your cubicle desk or in the break room, you’re likely headed for a meeting with HR. Good luck explaining that you just buy them for the flavors.