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All The Things A Family Of Tourists Did To Get Booted From New Zealand


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At some point in our travel lives, we’ve all been the bad tourist. Even as conscientious travelers hoping to always have a compassionate worldview, sometimes you just get way too drunk after tripping on psilocybin all day and crash your Dutch date’s bicycle into a parked police vehicle that you swear came out of nowhere while she rides on the back rack…

Who hasn’t that happened to, ammirite?

But the chances are that nothing you’ve ever done compares to the folks who just finished bludgeoning their way through New Zealand’s North Island. The menace that is this British family of 12 fits closer into the category of a tropical storm. You can see them coming. You hope it’s not going to be too catastrophic. But the next morning all the outside paneling has been torn down there’s a lawn chair through your windshield.

Here’s a brief summary of the shit this mysterious family has been accused of stirring up during their holiday.

The fact that they did all this while claiming to be part of the 10th richest dynasty in England adds to the absurdity of it all. As does the fact that their most aggressive character seems to be a young boy threatening to “knock your brains out.”

Any one of these incidents alone would be defensible in misunderstanding. Traveling with kids can be difficult and challenging, and we’re not here for travel-shaming. But as a body of work in the Mayhem and Destruction field, this is a freaking impressive CV. It’s also giving ammunition to New Zealand’s growing contingent who are unhappy with the influx of tourists in recent years.

Not all are pleased with the coverage of the situation either. The NZ media — thankfully devoid of serious violence or government shutdowns to cover — has followed the family with a certain zeal, dubbing them the “Holiday Makers from Hell” and making them into minor celebrities. Still, plenty of quiet, quaint Kiwis appreciated the entertainment and thoughtfully alluded to the higher standards we often hold to tourists while not looking inwardly.

It appears for now that the family is on the way out of the country after having their visas revoked. Of course, the departure was not without incident — one final parking ticket for the road. If this family doesn’t get a reality show in six months, there’s no justice in the world.

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