We Tried Megan Thee Stallion’s Goldbelly H-Town Hottie Pie — Here’s The Verdict

In celebration of her infectiously danceable new single with Dua Lipa, “Sweetest Pie” Megan Thee Stallion has linked up with Goldbelly for a special pie collaboration that attempts to capture the spirit of the song. Megan’s H-Town Hottie Pie is inspired by the rapper’s hometown of Houston and goes big on the sweets — featuring a pecan pie loaded up with a combination of shredded coconut, pretzels, butterscotch chips, and gooey brown sugar with a golden glaze over the top.

According to the branding, it promises to taste like your “favorite bakery took a trip down the candy aisle” and it’s very much that. Literally, we’re talking about the “sweetest pie” your money can buy.

Sidenote: We’re eternally thankful Megan didn’t take the line “Wanna put his Nutty Buddy in my Fudge Round” too literally with this dessert. Sexual innuendo completely aside, Nutty Buddys and Fudge Rounds are some pretty bottom-tier snacks, so if this was a giant Nutty Fudge Round pie we would’ve had to pass. I’m sorry to the Little Debbie fans out there, you all have bad taste.

Anyway, the H-Town Hottie Pie is currently available for a limited time on Goldbelly for a price of $59. Before you drop that kind of cash on a gold spray-painted pecan pie, you’re probably going to want to know if it’s any good — so let’s eat!

Megan’s H-Town Hottie Pie

Sweetest Pie Review
Dane Rivera

Price: $59

Experience & Tasting Notes:

Before we dive into the pie we have to talk about the packaging and presentation, because this is a Gold Belly product, after all. The pie ships frozen in a small box with bubble wrap and is stable at room temperature for a full week, or a full month if you re-freeze it. By the time I received and opened up the pie, it was fully thawed and ready to eat.

That’s great if you live in an apartment with an indoor mailing room like I do, but if you’re getting this delivered to your doorstep and live in a warmer climate, I could see heat damaging the consistency of your pie, which is made of mostly gooey sugar, not exactly the biggest resistor to melt-age.

Sweetest Pie Review
Dane Rivera

The pie itself is housed in a special promotional box featuring Megan holding a sprinkled donut with her hair made-up to look like whipped cream. The photo matches some of Megan’s recent promotional material, namely her Apple Music profile photo, but I think it’s an odd choice to decorate this pecan pie with so much whipped cream donut imagery when none of that has to do with the pie.

But hey, we’re not here to talk about the conceptual consistency, we’re here to talk about the pie.

Sweetest Pie Review
Dane Rivera

The pie itself looks like — and I say this with all due respect to both Ms. Stallion and Goldbelly — what I imagine C-3P0’s shit would look like if he was a robot capable of using the bathroom. Spray-painted food is a trend that no one asked for and people keep giving us. Stop. I think I speak for everyone when I say that eating spray-painted food, no matter how much you say ‘its edible!’ will always feel wrong.

When it comes to cutting into this pie we’re going to suggest you use a hammer and chisel because it’s incredibly hard to get a knife through this thing. So unless you’re totally fine with eating an ugly, uneven slice, don’t approach this pie as you would any other pie.

Sweetest Pie Review
Dane Rivera

The brown sugar/corn syrup substance that sticks all this candied snack food together does a good job of binding the ingredients together, but it makes it hard to get through easily. It’s messy, is the point — most pecan pies are.

Once I finally bit into the pie though, all my criticisms melted away into a pool of sweet ecstasy. This pie is tooth-achingly sweet, brown sugar dominates the flavor with sweet and moist shredded coconut flavor on the aftertaste, mingling with subtly salty notes. While it relies on salted pretzels to act as a counterbalance to the sweetness, it leans much more comfortably on the sweet side of the flavor spectrum.

It’s a pleasure to eat bite after bite, but if you really want to kick it up a notch you’ll throw it in the microwave. A few seconds of heat took the already pleasant experience of eating this pie to the next level. Instead of receiving the flavors in sweet and salty waves, they melded together into a more harmonious whole. The warmed-up pie had a great texture and mouthfeel, courtesy of the combination of sugar, nuts, and shredded coconut, and an even better flavor that tasted like pecan pie reimagined by munchie-seeking stoners.

I still wish it wasn’t spray-painted fucking gold though.

The Bottom Line:

Sweet, salty, nutty, and then sweet again. Once warmed up and topped with your favorite ice cream, you’re in for one of the sweetest pies you’re bound to eat all year. And a pretty damn delicious one.

Megan Thee Stallion is a Warner Music artist. .