I was introduced to Kevin Smith movies at a young age — 11 to be exact — when my brother’s friend brought a VHS of Clerks to my house, and we watched it huddling around a 13″ fuzzy TV in his bedroom. And because we loved it, the same week my brother purchased a copy of Mallrats, which quickly became the most played and quoted VHS in my house.
For that reason, here I present to you all the Mallrats quotes you know you’re still repeating…
“Wow, a sailboat!” — Kid 1
Everyday use: When you’re quicker than your friends.
“Do it, Doug!” — Jay
Everyday use: When you’re rooting for the underdog.
“You have a third nipple?” — T.S.
Everyday use: When you’re there for entirely different reasons.
“You f*ckers think just because a guy reads comics he can’t start some shit?” — Brodie
Everyday use: When there’s more to you than meets the eye.
“The bastard’s faster than Walt Flanagan’s dog!” — Jay
Everyday use: When you underestimate your opponent.
“‘Why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free.'” — Brodie quoting his Grandma
Everyday use: When an old idiom need a facelift.
“Your maleness amazes me sometimes.” — T.S.
Everyday use: When your friend is acting too macho.
“The customer is always an a**hole.” — Shannon
Everyday use: When you work retail on Black Friday.
“There is no Easter Bunny! That over there is just a guy in a suit!” — William
Everyday use: When a kid gets the best of you.
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.” — Brodie
Everyday use: When your hobbies shouldn’t come first.
“Waste not, want not.” — Brodie
Everyday use: When you’re thinking of your future.
“Where do you get those wonderful toys?” — Jay
Everyday use: When your friend’s gadgets suddenly come in handy (and you want to quote Jay quoting Nicholson’s Joker).
“Adventure, excitement… a Jedi craves not these things.” — Silent Bob
Everyday use: When being humble is the answer.
“Fly, fat a**, fly!” — Jay
Everyday use: When someone does something unexpected.
“Holy sh*t, mother f*ckin’ Yoda and sh*t.” — Jay
Everyday use: When your friend channels Star Wars.
“Tell ’em, Steve-Dave!” — Walt “Fanboy” Grover
Everyday use: When your friend is in an altercation.
“That kid is back on the escalator!” — Brodie
Everyday use: When you care for someone else’s safety.
“Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?” — Brodie
Everyday use: When the prank is about to go down.
“Snootchie-Bootchies.” — Jay
Everyday use: When you’ve accomplished your mission.