There are few things that the Internet loves more than nostalgia and cult classics, and George Lucas’s Willow falls right in the middle of that Venn diagram. Willow is the weird little movie that almost could – it didn’t make much money when it was released but has garnered pop culture goodwill in the years that followed. The story of a brave Nelwyn dwarf who saves a baby princess and defeats an evil queen hits all the fantasy high notes: prophecy, dragons, and magic. Most of all, this movie is fun. Between Val Kilmer’s insane performance as a roguish swordsman and some cool practical effects (the stop motion magic at Tir Asleen comes to mind), Willow is sure to charm you. Whether you had childhood nightmares about being turned into a pig or plan to watch it for the first time, take a look at these quotes from Willow to gear up for your quest.
“Blackroot? I’m the father of two children, and you never, ever give a baby blackroot.” – Willow
“Well my mother raised us on it. It’s good for you! It put’s hair on your chest, right, Sticks?” – Madmartigan
“Her name is not Sticks! She’s Elora Dannen, the future empress of Tir Asleen and the last thing she’s gonna want is a hairy chest!” – Willow
Not so shockingly, family man Willow and lone wolf sell-sword Madmartigan have very different parenting approaches.
“It… went away.” – Madmartigan
“Went away? ‘I dwell in darkness without you’ and it *went away*?” – Sorsha
The Dust of Broken Hearts is basically beer goggles for fantasy realms.
“Ooh, I’m really scared. No! Don’t! There’s a- a peck here with an acorn pointed at me!” – Madmartigan
Sure, Willow figures out the whole magic thing by the end, but his early work does not inspire much confidence.
“Wanna breed?” – Llug
“[disguised as Hilda] Tempting… but no.” – Madmartigan
Sure, the melons that Madmartigan’s sporting gives him a solid D-cup, but the mustache and 5-o’clock shadow are a bit of a dead giveaway. Llug is undeterred.