With word that The Rock and Kevin Hart might be teaming up again to take on Jumanji together, that reboot goes from a horrible idea to passable. Why? Because The Rock can make anything great — even Subway sandwiches — and Kevin Hart is funny enough to carry the comedy portions of any film. You don’t think hes funny, check out both of his appearances on Conan. He might seem like he’s soft and he might not be a darling like Patton Oswalt, but the man is funny.
If these two powerhouses of entertainment can make Jumanji something people would want to see in the wake of Robin Williams’ untimely passing, what other films could they take on? What other movies are big enough and ripe enough for a remake. What projects can these two knock off the original pairings and make us forget all about what they’ve done in the past.
To do these, we’ve amassed some hastily created and poorly constructed Photoshop images that place The Rock and Hart in a variety of stories that should be well suited for their talents. You might agree, you might disagree, or you might just think that each image was put together by an invalid. And maybe they were.
Get me The Rock, Kevin Hart, and several odd looking wigs. I’ll get you a hit movie:
Forget Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Give this to The Rock and Hart. Slap them in some suits and let them go to work. They don’t even really need a script, just use the one from the original movie and update references. Toss some Nelly on the soundtrack and a scene where the Rock tries marijuana for the first time and we might just break $1 billion at the box office. Also set part of it in China.
Shave Nick Nolte bald and create a wig for The Rock because he needs to get Kevin Hart out of prison and use him to capture two escaped convicts before time is up. This could even be a third movie in the series if a studio plays their cards right. The Rock plays the cousin of Eddie Murphy’s character in the original, while Hart is the best friend of Nolte’s character. Get all four in on the mix and have that perfect scene where The Rock throws on a cowboy hat and claims to be the newer sheriff in town.
Spies Like Us
Who cares if the Cold War is over? Vlad Putin and his boys in the Russian military are trying to heat things up a bit and it’s the perfect time to bring back some Cold War intrigue and comedy. Cast Chevy Chase as the head of the CIA, who needs his best agent — The Rock — to take a lowly analyst with him — played by Kevin Hart — and stop a former Soviet criminal from launching a nuke at Moscow and starting World War III. Jon Lovitz plays the bad guy.
An Inconvenient Truth
Kevin Hart is tired of playing the buddy in all of these movies and decides it’s time people know the truth about The Rock. Much like the real documentary, nobody listens or cares and we all continue going about our days. Get back in line, Kevin!
My personal favorite sees Kevin Hart and The Rock playing Tyler Durden, but neither seems to know which one is the real version. Is it mild-mannered Kevin Hart, working his boring job at the local Best Buy? Or is it The Rock, the bad ass with the swagger and charisma that has a desire to start an underground fighting ring that transforms into an anarchist cult. Or is it the other way around? Or are both the figments of another imagination, possibly played by Terry Crews. You’ll just have to wait and see.
Kevin Hart and The Rock in space, showing Sandra Bullock how it is done. Unlike George Clooney, The Rock isn’t going to just float off like some sort of punk. The scene where he returns and opens the pod door is real in this version, plus he manages to save the Chinese space station and safely land it right on South Beach. Gravity 2, let’s make it happen.
Over The Top
The Rock is the grizzled veteran of the national arm wrestling circuit by night and a trucker by day. His son, Kevin Hart, has no idea who his real father is until he picks him up on his last day of military school. During a cross-country trek to the National Arm Wrestling Championship in Las Vegas, both learn a lot about each other, grow as father and son, and create an unbreakable bond that will thrust them Over The Top in life. If that’s not a winner, I don’t know what is.
Kevin Hart and The Rock play Kuato, the rebel leader on Mars and new main character for the film. It’s a re-imagining that puts The Rock as the brainwashed leader of the Martian rebels that has held his counterpart dormant within his own body for years. Then, when trying out the new Rekall service, The Rock is thrust back into his old life and ends up awakening his conjoined partner, Kevin Hart, in order to save Mars from the evil Cohaagen — played this time by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Do you smell a hit? We certainly do.