One of the revelations from Justin Bieber’s recent in-depth GQ interview was that he really did care for his pet monkey, OG Mally (whose name apparently was not pronounced as rhyming with “rally,” rather “maul-ee,” like a shopping mall), despite the fact that he made absolutely no effort to retrieve Mally when he was detained by German customs in 2013.
But three years later, the Biebs is still pretty bummed out over the loss of his beloved pet. When asked if he would get another one someday, Bieber was more than open to the idea of another monkey.
Yeah, one day. Just gotta make sure I got a house and it stays in the f*cking house. I’m not gonna bring him to Germany or travel with it anymore. People are always like, ‘Why did you get a monkey?’ If you could get a monkey, well, you would get a f*cking monkey, too! Monkeys are awesome.”
Hmm. Monkeys are indeed awesome, but they are also wild animals and more work than most people can handle. As such, the North American Primate Sanctuary Alliance has released a statement to TMZ pleading the “Sorry” singer to not adopt another monkey, saying that it will “prove dangerous to both you and your monkey, as well as irresponsible when it comes to your public following.”
The organization pleads, “Please do not repeat this foolish endeavor.” NAPSA wants the word out that monkeys carry disease and turn hostile when owners try to domesticate them, telling Bieber, “It is simply not possible to fulfill the unique needs of your monkey within a private home.”
You know what pet is great? A guinea pig! Or like, a hamster! Because if a hamster gets confiscated, it’s not a basically sentient creature with a life expectancy of 40+ years, and you can get another one for like five dollars. Hamsters!