On lower-level MMA shows, everyone is terrible and that usually results in a lot of awesome stuff.
At the recent Warrior Combat 14, in London, welterweights Mike Garret and Sam Heron fought each other in the loosest sense of the word. Garret came right out and starched Heron like a collar with a head kick, in what the promoter is claiming 1.3 seconds (Absolutely Michael Tarver-ian!) Of course, since fights aren’t over when the lifeless corpse collapses to the canvas, but when the referee calls a stoppage, the fight drags on a little longer. Also, you can tell Garret is British because of that atrocious celebration dance (And the post-fight interview. I think they’re talking about cricket). C’MON SON, GET DOWN WITH THE NOVA UNIAO BOOGIE.
As rad as that super-quick knockout is, it got me thinking about other sub-3 second MMA KOs. They typically stem from the victim charging forward like a lunatic, leaving their jaws open for the fight-ending one-hitter quitter. For example, we have Chris Clements taking care of Lautaro Tucas in 3 seconds at TKO 25 back in 2006.
Then we have the brain blonking at RINGS: The Outsider 2 as Ryohei Masuda clobbered a rushing Takahiro Kuroishi allegedly in two seconds in 2008.
Next year saw Steve Ramirez put out Darvin Wattree’s lights in roughly 3 seconds at Pure Combat 9: Home Turf. At least Wattree didn’t run into the KO like those other goofuses, he can hang his special-order hat (To accommodate the dent in his head) on that.
We all witnessed a lot of brain trauma in short order. I know it might be hard, but I hope we’ve all learned some things from these videos.
- Don’t run at your opponent with the only plan being “RARGLE BARGLE BLARGEDY ARGYLE!”
- Keep your hands up to protect your precious, precious brain
- If you do win and notch a record-setting knockout, have a better victory dance than weird gopher hands, SHEESH BO-BEESH