04.28.08 10 years ago 21 Comments

Little League Baseball is suing Jay Kaplan, the man who founded "Christian Little League," for a pretty blatant trademark infringement.  Kaplan responded the only way a righteous Christian jackass knows how: by being a righteous Christian jackass.

"GOD is the ultimate judge and has the final say," he wrote in a March 15 letter to Little League's lawyers. Before filing suit Thursday, the organization's lawyers contacted Kaplan in a March 7 letter demanding that he stop using the Little League tag. The similar names could mislead and confuse the public by suggesting an affiliation between the groups, the lawyers wrote…

"Christian Little League was GOD's idea and it is a great and wonderful idea," wrote Kaplan, who grew up Jewish and converted to Christianity. "I have no plans on changing the name GOD gave me." […] "My position is Little League should embrace the name of Jesus. Let's start with that."

Of course, Little League's heathen lawyers had to go and use things like "legal precedents" and "reason" in their response.

"The dispute is not theological, it is legal," the lawyers stated in a second letter sent March 17. They added: "Our client has no objection to your preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. … Our client simply requests that you do so under a different name."

I don't know why they're bothering with lawyers and legal threats.  Jesus freaks have minds not quite as complex as those of fish or birds — they have a tendency to get distracted by shiny things and walk through screen doors.  All Little League has to do is go is set a topiary on fire and leave a note saying "Jay, Let them have the name. -GOD" and this whole thing will be over.


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