02.12.08 10 years ago 31 Comments

Every year, SI snags a female athlete to don a bikini in order to give the Swimsuit Issue some tenuous connection to the world of sports, and if I can appreciate anything, it's girls in bikinis with some tenuous connection to the world of sports.  This year's athlete/model is Formula 1 driver Danica Patrick, whom I've always felt bad for because assholes call her a failure because she's never won an F-1 race.  The Anna Kournikova of racing, they say. 

Well, fuck those people. That's like putting me under the microscope if I got pregnant but miscarried.  "Sure, he can get pregnant with all the other women, but he didn't actually give birth.  In my book he'll always be just another good-looking man until he pushes a baby through the birth canal he doesn't have."  …Um, so that metaphor was kinda weird, but my point is that people who criticize her for being getting more endorsements for being attractive than for winning should be punched in the cock.

Anyway, in addition to

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