A Drunk Driver Told The Cops That The Michigan Wolverines Made Him Do It

On Saturday, Nov. 2, the Michigan Wolverines suffered easily their most embarrassing loss of this season, despite the fact that they still have three regular season games left to go. Sure, they could lose to Ohio State by 100 points in three weeks or the entire team could forget to wake up and completely miss the Northwestern game this week, but losing to Michigan State while recording the worst single game team rushing total in program history? That’s just not going to cut it with the diehard Wolverines fans.

One fan in particular proved just how low of a loss that it was, as a 25-year old man was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving when cops found him passed out in his car at a Sunoco station in Dearborn at 2:30 AM on Nov. 3. But before you go passing judgment, it’s not like this guy meant to get really drunk and piss himself before passing out in his car.

The man appeared confused and disoriented. His speech was slurred, his eyes were watery and bloodshot and he smelled of alcohol. He said he was “drunk,” he had “a lot” of alcohol and urinated on himself.

His blood-alcohol level at the police station was 0.24 percent, above the state’s 0.17 percent super-drunk standard. The man’s car was impounded.

While he was being booked, he said he drank so much because he was upset that the University of Michigan’s football team lost 29-6 at Michigan State University the day before. He said he also was upset with the play-calling of Offensive Coordinator Al Borges, whose Wolverines rushed for a negative-48 yards, the worst ground performance since the school started playing football in 1879. (Via the Dearborn Press & Guide)

Man, I’ve tried to use the “I really have to poop!” excuse to get out of a speeding ticket before, but this is some groundbreaking excuse-making right here. Obviously, I don’t condone drunk driving, but I’m willing to bet this excuse might actually work for Florida Gators fans. You know, since a lot of them appear to still be at the bar.