Strawberry was the only member of Mr. Burns’ softball team of MLB superstars not to suffer a grave misfortune that kept him from the championship game (the same could not be said for reality). His teammates weren’t so lucky. With that in mind, let’s look at every misfortune in “Homer At The Bat,” and rank which was the most severe.
8. Jose Canseco Is Stuck Saving Literally Everything From A Burning House
This doesn’t seem so bad. Eventually, every item in the house will have been saved, and Canseco can go on with his life. Of course, when you think of everything that happened to him after this episode, that might not be such a good thing.
7. Don Mattingly Is Kicked Off The Team For Not Cutting His Invisible Sideburns
Again, this one doesn’t seem so severe. Mattingly can just go back to the Yankees and everything’s fine. On the other hand, he still likes Burns better than Steinbrenner, which I don’t think anyone would disagree.
6. Roger Clemens Thinks He’s A Chicken
Would it be so bad to think you’re a chicken? It actually seems kind of fun. A nice little escape from the drudges of normal human life. And if he gets tired of it, he could probably just see another hypnotist and get it reversed, right?
5. Ozzie Smith Drifts Endlessly Through The Void
Okay, this one is a bit tricky. On one hand, Ozzie Smith’s misfortune would seem fairly painless, but on the other hand, there’s no food in the universe that he’s drifting through, so he’s almost certainly going to starve to death after a week or so. Oh well, at least he’ll get to see some cool colors.