Football, But With More Ass Kicking

08.18.10 8 years ago 5 Comments

Have you ever sat down to watch a football game and though to yourself “This needs at least 50% more ass kicking?” Well, the Brutal Fight Football League has heard your pleas, and taken pity upon your miserable soul. These lovers of all-things-violent are trying to revive the ancient Roman sport Harpastum, which soliders used to train for battle. And, as we all know, Roman soldiers were known for their love of rape and murder. Thankfully, Wikipedia exists, so I can find out what the hell Harpastum is without looking like a nerd at the library. Libraries. What a waste of my tax dollars. Thank God I have all of those off shore expense accounts.

“Harpastum, which used to be called Phaininda, is the game I like most of all. Great are the exertion and fatigue attendant upon contests of ball-playing, and violent twisting and turning of the neck. Hence Antiphanes, “Damn it, what a pain in the neck I’ve got.” He describes the game thus: “He seized the ball and passed it to a team-mate while dodging another and laughing. He pushed it out of the way of another. Another fellow player he raised to his feet. All the while the crowd resounded with shouts of Out of bounds, Too far, Right beside him, Over his head, On the ground, Up in the air, Too short, Pass it back in the scrum.” –Wikipedia

Keep in mind, the Roman definition of violent is much different than ours. They would watch people get mauled by lions for entertainment. We, on the other-hand, won’t let kids watch Pulp Fiction before they turn 16. We should; the sooner they know the difference between coke and heroin the better. Video after the jump.

–via Hammer Fisted

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