March Badassness: 16 Have Been Brutally Killed, But 16 Remain In The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Tournament

Contributing Writer
03.24.15 41 Comments

The votes have been tabulated and the Game of Thrones truly begins as characters from your favorite HBO show duke it out to the death to determine who shall be the the sole survivor in this March Madness style bracket. Let’s get right to the results … and, of course, the killing.

Royal Region

Daenerys (37.52% / 2,636 votes) vs Viserys (62.48% / 4389 votes)


In our first shocking upset of the bracket, Daenerys loses to her brother Viserys. It seems there are still those out there who drink secret toasts to The Beggar King and spend nights compulsively voting for him in March Madness brackets. As the legends say, dragons are soothed by Targaryen blood so Dany’s greatest weapons were useless to her in this. Viserys wins via strangling Dany until her face turns black and dumping her body off a balcony into a horde of angry Meereneese.

Margaery (45.11% / 1671 votes) vs Robb Stark (54.89% / 2033 votes)


Margaery offers herself up as Queen of the Norf but Robb’s only got eyes for women that destroy his chances of succeeding in life. As loathe as he is to kill her, this is to the death and the man who passes the sentence must swing the sword. He does so but Marge dodges, opening up a grievous neck wound. The blood pools up in her frogurt tube of a dress, and she drowns to death in her life’s fluid.

Joffrey (10.63% / 251 votes) vs Stannis (89.37% / 2952 votes)


Joffrey begs for his life as Stannis has him chained to the Iron Throne and doused in wildfire. With Melisandre whispering creepy sex stuff in his ear, Stannis jerks Lightbringer from its sheath and it ignites in a roar of flame. He buries the sword right through the chest of the incestuous pretender king, and Joffrey catches alight, green fire coursing over his body as he screams in pain. His eyeballs melt down his face like cracked eggs, and his gold-weaved clothes melt into his skin as he roasts alive.

Cersei (65.69% / 2156 votes) vs Robert (34.31% / 1126 votes)


Robert drunkenly staggers through the forest on a hunt when the sight of a scarlet dress catches his attention. It is Cersei, standing a mere ten feet away from him with a sword in her hand. Robert’s ruddy face glowers in realization and he reaches for his warhammer … which isn’t there because his Lannister squire left it back at the castle. “Betrayed!” he growls, and then staggers to his knees as a sword punches through his back and out of his fat belly, spilling his intestines onto to forest floor. “And how!” says Jaime Lannister, high fiving his sister.

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