IF ONLY THIS WERE TRUE

07.03.07 11 years ago 16 Comments

According to one story, Pacman Jones has plans to build a strip club inside his house:

But sources say that the stripperphilic athlete soon may be staying at home more—he has approved blueprints to install a strip club in his house.  “It’s basically a home theater, and we do a lot of those,” says a source in the home remodeling industry in suburban Atlanta, where Jones lives. “This one just happens to have a lighted stage with a pole in the middle…"

One friend of Jones’ says the home strip club may be the troubled player’s best opportunity to straighten up his life.“It’s the best of both worlds,” the Pacman posse member says. “He can hang out with his friends and with a bunch of strippers, and still be able to tell the Titans and the NFL, ‘Hey, I was home all night.’”

Unfortunately, the column is called "The Fabricator," so I guess this is fake.  But I'm gonna choose to believe it's real.  I don't want to live in a world where Pacman Jones doesn't have a private in-home strip club.  Actually, I don't want to live in a world where *I* don't have a private in-home strip club.  Goodbye, cruel world!

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