‘Kate Upton’s Butt Deserves More Attention’ Says Kate Upton

Pictured: not Kate Upton’s butt.

So it’s almost summertime, right, and Sports Illustrated gets that second wind of swimsuit issue heat. Their most recent Kate Upton video — the Rolls Royce of Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue videos — is billed as Kate Upton ‘like you’ve never seen her before!!!’ Their three exclamation points, not mine.

Things you’ve never seen from Kate Upton before include:

– Hanging out on the beach, having fun
– Modeling swimsuits, or half of swimsuits, I guess
– Discussing the size of her boobs, which is still a hot-button issue
– Discussing her butt, which she feels doesn’t get the credit it deserves. Also, her clearly wanting to say “ass” and changing it to “butt” at the last second
– Being poked and prodded by photography assistants
– Facetiously dancing, because she knows that is national news
– Almost taking her clothes off

Yes, it’s Kate Upton like we’ve never, always seen her before. I want a follow-up video where she like, does judo and visits a natural history museum.