Kim Kardashian Is Done With Football Players?

A few weeks ago, we were more than happy to help spread the rumor that New York Jets QB Mark Sanchez was having a secret sexual affair with E! cash machine Kim Kardashian, because this is a sports humor site and there’s nothing more hilarious than a site called Starberry Ice Cream delivering a scoop. *honks bicycle horn*

Well, apparently Kardashian has adamantly denied this hokey rumor, and she’s also sworn that she’s completely uninterested in Tim Tebow. Perhaps we had her all wrong and she really does want to start a bible group. Maybe we really should consider giving more people second chances instead of mocking them. Perhaps Kardashian turning a page is something that we can actually learn from.

Nah, she’s still full of it.

Kim Kardashian isn’t secretly dating Mark Sanchez … she’s not interested in Tim Tebow — in fact, sources tell TMZ, the reality star is completely DONE with football players in general … all thanks to Reggie Bush.

Sources close to Kim tell us, her break-up with Bush in 2010 was so rough … she has lost her taste for NFL players entirely — and has no plans to play the field in the near future.

(Via TMZ)

How cool would it be if we found out that the sources close to Kim were actually two deformed goblin Kardashian siblings that have been locked in a basement for two decades, as they plot their chance to escape and reveal that Khloe’s father is really Andre the Giant? A boy can dream.

As for the football player thing, I’d believe it if we weren’t talking about a woman who is addicted to dating athletes like I’m addicted to sending Vanessa Hudgens my finger nail clippings. The timing on this random piece of info is a just a tad peculiar, especially since Bush has been out swagging it up on Miami Beach.

That dog. How could a wholesome gal like Kim ever trust him again?

[Banner via Reuters, Reggie pic via Terez Owens.]