BREAKING: Kobe Bryant Is A Grade A, Gold Medal Poon Hound

You may want to sit down for this news, because it will blow your mind, but apparently Kobe Bryant is trying to get laid again. And at the 2012 Summer Olympics of all places. I mean, the Olympics should be a sacred gathering of the world’s greatest athletes and showcase their talents and determination. But I guess things are bound to get a little screwy – pun originally not intended, but what the hell – when you have companies like Durex practically begging athletes to throw on a raincoat and get down.

As for Bryant, he’s now being called out by Australian women’s hoopster Liz Cambage and Australian swimmer Craig Stevens for trying to get down with Australia’s three-time gold medalist swimmer Stephanie Rice. Cambage Tweeted that Bryant was being a little too friendly with the ladies during these games and pointed out that it might not make his wife, Vanessa, very happy, but she later denied that she was referring to Rice. Stevens, though, just flat out called them on their freaky deaky.

“There’s definitely something going on… I was on the last Olympic team and he was hanging us a fair bit at the different parties and whatnot,” Stevens told Triple M.

“So Kobe was trying it on [with Stephanie Rice] four years ago, you reckon?” Triple M’s Mark “MG” Geyer asked Stevens.

“I remember her telling the story [of] how he put it to her… that he had the family coming the next day but he had that night free,” Stevens told Triple M. (Via Triple M, H/T to Larry Brown Sports)

Of course the ellipses mongers at TMZ have juicy insider info that Vanessa Bryant isn’t pleased with Kobe’s antics at all. As you may recall, Bryant has a history of problems with keeping it in his pants, from his “incident” in 2003 to his alleged flings with Jessica Burciaga, but somehow Vanessa hasn’t yet pulled the trigger on a divorce. I wonder why that is.

But if she ever does divorce him, I think Rice would be a perfect rebound girlfriend for Kobe, as they both have a penchant for shouting homophobic slurs at people. That’s actually how my mom and dad met.

In related news, Rice has also previously received some heat for Tweeting “racy photos”, and I just want to take a moment to address that. Rice is a swimmer, so she spends roughly 90% of her young life in a bathing suit. So when I read that she Tweeted racy pictures, I don’t think of this:

Or especially this:

In fact, short of fully nude centaur porn, I’m not sure anything she Tweeted could be considered racy.