Michael Vick Thinks Real Life is ‘The Longest Yard’

Michael Vick wants the Philadelphia Eagles to sign Plaxico Burress. That’s all well and good, except for the fact that Burress doesn’t get out of prison, where he’s been since 2009 for shooting himself in the leg with a handgun at a nightclub, until the first week of June. Apparently football exists in this heightened reality where you can go to prison and come out with “options like any other free agent.” In an interview with Anthony Gargano and Ike Reese on WIP in Philadelphia, Vick says he’d like to add Burress to the squad, then take on the Pittsburgh Steelers, who have all gotten jobs as prison guards.

“Absolutely it would be a great addition for our team. I think with the guys we have now I think we can fit him in and make it work. Obviously the ultimate goal at the end of the day is to put that ring on your finger at the end of the year.

“I think certainly Plaxico is going to come out with a chip on his shoulder the same way I did and he’ll go out and help this football team to whatever capacity he can. I think the guys would be willing to embrace him and bring him in. If that happens? Who knows? We talking about “what ifs” now? It would certainly be a good thing.”

I feel like if I spent a couple of years in prison, I would come out humble and kind of anxious, not with a chip on my shoulder, but what do I know, I wear my hat with the bill in front. To put things into perspective (in case you still think Vick is a normal guy who “realizes his mistakes”), the interview also features Vick saying he didn’t get a second Madden cover because God doesn’t want him to have “everything all at once.”

You can listen to the interview here. While you’re doing that, I’m going to send Vick an e-mail (care of his life coach) with some insider information about the availability of O.J. Simpson (note: he is not available).

[H/T Off the Bench]