This Should Be Amazing

Senior Writer
08.06.12 3 Comments

"Stand up and clap or he will kill you."

New Jersey Nets owner, former Russian presidential candidate, and James Bond villain Mikhail Prokhorov has had a busy offseason as he attempts to bring the New Jersey Brooklyn Nets back to prominence in a city that is aching for NBA relevance. Despite not yet landing their beloved trade target Dwight Howard, the Nets made other big splashes by trading for Joe Johnson’s horrendous contract and re-signing Brook Lopez, Kris Humphries, Gerald Wallace, and, of course, Deron Williams.

But forget that the Nets basically just added Johnson to a 22-44 team – that also went 7-15 after acquiring Wallace last season – because with a new arena opening and new uniforms, this is a promising, exciting time for a team that many have considered the Clippers of New York for years. Prokhorov won’t let numbers or records stand in his way of having a good time and building his team’s buzz, either. He’s excited enough that he’s even promising to take the stage with Jay-Z and rap.

According to Mr. Prokhorov, a reprise is in the works, but this time in downtown Brooklyn, where Jay-Z will open the $1 billion Barclays Center with a series of sold-out concerts this fall. “Yes, I will rap at his concert,” Mr. Prokhorov informed Crain’s via email. “I am in rehearsals now 10 hours a day and plan to demand joint billing.” (Via Crain’s New York, H/T to SLAM)

Obviously people think he’s joking, but I can just imagine him in a top secret laboratory screaming at scientists to rush their development of a microchip that will make him the greatest rapper in the world. He doesn’t need it, though. He’s already proven that he’s rocking wicked MC skills on the mic.

Seriously, I hope he’s not joking, because I would absolutely write a screenplay for a remake of Disorderlies starring Prokhorov, Channing Tatum, and Chet Haze. I’m moist just thinking about it.

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