The Miss Universe Pageant is currently taking place in Miami, Florida, which you may recall from the international political conflict it managed to cause in the Middle East earlier this week. The edited and fluffed-up special doesn’t air on television until this Sunday night at 8 p.m., but last night’s festivities featured something called the National Costume Round. Miss Great Britain dressed like a sexy Buckingham palace guard, Miss France wore a beret, every contestant from South America wore giant brightly-colored feather-related regalia (not joking), and Miss Canada wore…
A quick rundown:
- 10 hockey sticks coming out of her back, obviously
- A Stanley Cup hat
- A scoreboard mounted on her shoulders
- What appear to be fake ice skates that lace up to the middle of her thigh
- A hockey net miniskirt
- Pads, both shoulder and elbow
- A sparkly corset with the Canadian flag on it
But the best and most confusing thing about this costume, by far, is the fact that score of the game appears to be 20-14. 20-14! That’s so many goals! And the third period just started! They’re on pace for a score of, like, 28-19! That would mean both teams broke the record for most goals in a single game! What happened to the goalies? Did they die? Did Miss Canada kill them with one of the 11 sticks on her person?
I desperately want to see this fictional game now. It must have been chaos.