Money Ain’t Not No Thang For David Beckham’s Sister

08.16.10 8 years ago 2 Comments

fdfal When your brother’s the most famous soccer player in the world who can change the course of cool hair history with the swipe of a razor blade, ‘EBT card’ shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary. Unfortunately for David Beckham’s extremely ugly older sister, she doesn’t understand the concept that she can mine her super rich brother for money that’ll keep her living like the prince of Persia until her little heart explodes from excessive lobster consumption. Because of this she’s living, as the English call it, ‘on the dole’, which is the inferior way of saying she’s sucking at the festering teet of Obamacare. Or would it be Queen of Englandcare?

Jobless mum-of-three Lynne Beckham, 38, claims £164 a week in benefits. A source close to the family said: “She has had a bit of bad luck.”

Lynne’s poverty-stricken secret life will today dump even more misery on her famous brother. In one of the worst weeks of his soccer career, we can reveal Lynne, 38, has signed on the dole. She claims benefits totalling £164 a week which is less than Becks earns in just two seconds. The 35-year-old star, believed to be worth £125million, once vowed in an interview about his rise to fame: “The only thing my dad said to me was, ‘look after your two sisters’, and I always will.”

He bought Lynne her four-bedroom home 12 years ago – still registered in his name – and gives her and her three children vouchers to shop with at Kent’s smart Bluewater centre. He also pays her mobile phone bill so they can keep in regular contact. -News of the World

At least I can cross Beckham off of my get rich scheme of compiling a list of celebrities to convince into thinking I’m their long lost bastard child with a monstrous learning disability that’ll take tons of money to rectify. I think I can pull it off.

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