09.29.09 8 years ago 11 Comments

Much like Chinese philosophy espouses yin-yang to describe the interdependence of opposing forces [huh?], the National Football league seems to promote a similar state of mind: “Win-Wang.” For Every team that turns up victorious on a given week, there’s another team that’s left clutching its sorry little chode. Let’s take a look back at Week 3 in the NFL and see who was left holding their own.

Scoreboard Enthusiasts Across America. No football managed to hit JerryVision last night, much to the disappointment of probably nobody. And to be clear, in NO WAY is this [literally] looming appliance good for the game to have such an obstacle in play. It’s like dropping a windmill on the 13th green at Augusta, and just as annoying, as it draws attention even when it shouldn’t. Why did we get a “No punt has hit the scoreboard yet” ON EVERY GD PUNT?! Was that really necessary?

Furthermore, the announcing for Monday Night Football last night was abhorrently bad. There was no real analysis from either Ron Jaworski or Jon Gruden, just a lot of hand-wringing for Jake Delhomme’s two interceptions and Flozell Adams’ caffeine jitters near the goal line. And I think the honeymoon is officially over for Gruden, who looks and speaks as if he’d be better suited for selling insurance in Dayton and talking over the game at a bar. Silver lining? At least while he’s on TV, I can mute him.

Anyone Who Watched The Seahawks Last Week. I’m somewhat amazed that the NFL is resorting to those little mesh vests that I wore in my junior high school gym class. You’d think a billion-dollar enterprise could do a little better than those neon getups that they rolled out against the Bears Sunday. And don’t be surprised if Olindo Mare winds up dead in the team’s laundry truck after missing two field goals in that game.

The Buffalo Bills offense. Jauron’s Pop Warner offense is off to a great stop; even with Terrell Owens, they’re only 21st in passing offense, and Owens finished Sunday’s game against the Saints without a single catch. Of all the reasons I heard for why this happened, nobody has mentioned the fact that, oh yeah, they fired their offensive coordinator three weeks before the season started. Enjoy being an assistant coach in Cleveland in 2010, Dick Jauron.

Brett Favre haters. Yeah, I guess I can see what the big deal is about that guy now. It’s amazing that the Vikings only sent one route into the end zone on that play that gave them a TD and a win against the Niners. But it was also fortunate that Greg Lewis was able to get that second foot in bounds–after the San Francisco defensive back fell on his leg.

Eric Mangini. Fun times in Cleveland to-DAY! Cleve-land! He’s playing The Quarterback Game again. You know, because it worked so well the first time.

The City Of Detroit. Oh, the Lions won on Sunday? Too bad your city still lies in moral and economic ruin. Did we miss anyone? Let us know in the comments

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