05.12.07 11 years ago 2 Comments

Nick Swisher signed a new contract with the Oakland Athletics yesterday:

Swisher will earn $700,000 this year, $3.5 million in 2008, $5.3 million in 2009, $6.75 million in 2010 and $9 million in 2011. The club option is worth $10.25 million, with a $1 million buyout.

This looks a lot like my assistant editor contract if you replace the dollar signs with thimbles of Irish whiskey, and subtract many of the zeros.  It appears the  White Elephants are creating a core of young stars:

The new contract, which includes a $500,000 signing bonus, gives the A's four players signed through at least 2009. Swisher joins Eric Chavez (2010), Dan Haren (2009) and Bobby Crosby (2009). 

A youthful club of studs is important, but what's more important is that Chavez, Haren and Crosby follow Swisher's lead to create a stable of scorching Playmates for the discerning baseball fan to compare and contrast.  Lovely Danielle's freckles have fashioned many a tawdry daydream for me, but a redhead would be nice.  Mr. Crosby, I'm looking in your direction.  I defended your lowly fantasy performance last year, so all you have to do is find a voluptuous auburn-locked lass and get into a few legal scrapes on the weekend shift. -KD   

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