03.07.08 10 years ago 24 Comments

Some of you might consider it blasphemous that I would wait a whole day to mention this, while others might seem put off that I'm actually linking to Kissing Suzy Kolber, the forwarding address for the bulk of my screed, bile, and baking recipes. This is exactly why I make a deliberate effort never to please anyone. Nothing tastes sweeter to me than the tears of the crybaby-troll voices in the blogosphere. Fuck you all. 

“It’s a private matter,” replied marketing man Gene Kolber when we asked about the paternity of his newborn granddaughter. His daughter, ESPN “Monday Night Football” reporter Suzy Kolber gave birth to a baby girl, Kellyn, in Connecticut yesterday. The Dresher-raised Upper Dublin High graduate “decided to become a single mother,” Gene said, before politely declining to further discuss his 44-year-old daughter's pregnancy, which was kept well hidden during her sideline reporting and her ESPN/ABC NASCAR coverage. Baby Kellyn weighed in at 6 ½ pounds, and was 19 inches long.

It's a private matter, meaning "We have no fucking clue where that seed came from, except that he was a Harvard grad and very athletic." — Monday Morning Punter


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