Sports

Manchester United’s Patrice Evra Fell Into The Stands And Got His Butthole Groped

Reminder to any ladies attending a live soccer match: soccer games are not your friend’s bachelorette party. Keep your hands to yourself.

Manchester United player Patrice Evra fell into a home end full of Tottenham fans on Sunday and ended up either getting his butt pinched or getting a full-on balls scoop, depending on your point of view. Because it’s a weird invasive lady doing it to a 32-year old man and not, say, a guy groping Alex Morgan, nothing really happened. I want to launch into a big “sexual harassment is sexual harassment so cut it out” speech, but Tottenham supporters are the same ones who threw a lit flare at a referee, so maybe Patrice got off easy.

Here’s the clip:

Her “immediately turn around and laugh about how crazy I am to my friends” reaction is the worst part. I’m genuinely surprised that she wasn’t Instagramming her own sexual assault.

The full story is the GIF, courtesy of the appropriately-named Balls.ie, which gives you Patrice’s reaction to the spelunking.

Yeah, seems about right.

Again, keep your hands (and feet, and flares and fire and weapons) to yourselves, soccer fans.

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