I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.
1. Kate Beckinsale. “You’ve got to keep up the seduction phase – it’s fun.” Yes. Yes it is. You are correct.
2. Barack Obama. Not as sexy as Beckinsale, but he had himself a pretty good week. Congratulations to everyone who participated in the ol’ democratic process.
5. Chicago Blackhawks. Oh hey, a sports a team in the supposedly sports-related power rankings! Too bad their fans are dying old ladies.
6. Lucky Strike cigarettes. They’re toasted! And they’re endorsed by Frank Gifford. Get a holiday carton for that special toddler in your life.
8. Doodle for Hunger. A fundraiser with a noble cause. Too bad the athletes’ contributions suck so hard.
9. Chocolate rain. Think about if such a thing really existed. It would be totally delicious.
10. The horse faceplant. Greatly improved over the usual skateboarding or bicycle faceplant. I demand more horse injuries!
To show my gratitude for clicking through, here’s that picture of Victoria Beckham again:
Show of hands: does anyone else really really really want to zig-a-zig-ah?