03.23.07 11 years ago 4 Comments

Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings? Well, yes: Billy Packer. And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings.

Do you care about other people's power rankings? If you answered yes, then you are a dipshit. If not, then these are the power rankings for you.

1. Scarlett. Thanks to Girls Gone Sports for making sure I didn't miss out on the side-boob action.

2. American Gladiators. It's back, and not just in pog form. You'll be able to watch it on ESPN Classic, which is quickly becoming the VH1 of sports. In a good way.

3. Drinking games. Please, have some respect for the game: do not call Beiruit "beer pong." You can, however, call Millenium Pong "awesome."

4. David Ortiz. Friend of the troops as we enter our fifth year in Iraq.

5. Brendan Shanahan. In the only non-fight-related hockey story of the week, he had a pretty sexy night.

6. Coca-Cola Blak. The idea is totally stolen from one of my all-time favorite books, Syrup by Max (then Maxx) Barry. It's like cola and coffee and speed in a cool little bottle. Goes great with whiskey. But then, what doesn't?

7. Cold, spring rain. I think it feels nice.

8. Bees. Not just for making honey any more. Also good at further cementing A-Rod's pussydom

9. Jeff Garcia. Props to him for playing way out of his league

10. Eli Manning. Props to him for playing at all

11. Irish cricket. Upset of the year leads to grisly murder

12. The Dominican Republic. About to get an infusion of Patriots cheerleaders. [Insomniac's Lounge]

13. SPORTSbyBROOKS. The new must-read. Like this post about how he knows more about masturbation than basketball. Hey Seth, the line starts back there.

14. The SEC. To its credit, I shall never have, nor will I ever be, such a devoted fan

15. Wedgies. Always funny. Especially when you bite students in an attempt to fight one off. [Our Book of Scrap]

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