02.27.07 11 years ago 3 Comments

Signed to a minor-league contract, Sammy Sosa — who, despite hitting 588 roidacious home runs in his career, washed out with the Orioles in 2005 and didn't play last year — is in camp with the Texas Rangers in Arizona, and he's tempering his expectations:

"Why would I come back for 12 more home runs. Why? I want 700 home runs," said Sosa, the most blatant hint that he plans to play beyond this year if his bat speed allows. "I am greedy." … "I will continue to be great to this game. I don't want to talk about what happened in Congress. This is not my problem."… Sosa said he didn't believe his name was tainted by the steroid whispers… "Trust me, you haven't seen anything yet."

We haven't seen anything yet? What is it that makes athletes this stupid? Years of success? Adoring fans? Easily attainable groupie sex? Seriously, I want to know. Because people this willfully unaware of themselves are usually surrounded by padded walls and sexually assaulted by creepy orderlies.

You know what? I'm done with this clown. Here are his numbers from the last time he played two years ago: 380 AB, .221 average, 14 home runs, 84 Ks. He's now 38. Sammy Sosa can eat a plate of steroid-shriveled dick.

Also see: the FanHaus

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