Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Super Secret Cover Spoiler: Kate Upton Is Hot

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model and 2011 With Leather Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year Kate Upton spent 10 days on a cruise from Argentina to Antarctica for a top secret photo shoot for next year’s iconic bathing suit issue, and it’s so on the hush-hush that TMZ found about it and posted a bunch of pictures. Of course, the world’s leading experts in online journalism also took us to class on how you write an opening sentence.

Kate Upton and Lindsay Lohan have something in common … because Kate’s assets were FROZEN recently — when the curvaceous 20-year-old model stripped down to her skivvies for an Antarctica photo shoot … where the temperature hit 35 BELOW!!!

Boom, bagging on Lohan and celebrating Upton’s bags in the same sentence is writing we can get behind. But also mentioned is the fact that Oreo, in celebrating its 100th birthday, teamed up with SI to send a giant cookie mascot to Antarctica to freeze his ass off with Upton in the absurdly cold weather. And the strangest thing is that I wrote in my diary that if and when I’m finally taken from this Earth, I want to be dressed as an Oreo cookie while hugging Upton. Eerie.

Naturally, because Upton is such a strangely controversial figure, some sites that I won’t bother linking to are already branding the 20-year old with a Scarlet F for Fatty because she’s just such a moo cow that clearly disgusts so many men and women alike. But I’ll let TMZ go ahead and take us home with the most TMZ closing line possible…

Lucky for him, Kate’s got enough milk to go around.

BECAUSE SHE HAS BIG BREASTS! Here are some additional lines that TMZ could have used…

Lucky for him, Upton’s complete with teat.

Lucky for him, there’s plenty of cream for his cookie.

Lucky for him, this photo shoot was a perfect mammary.

And my personal choice:

Lucky for him, tits.