The Dugout: F@#%ing Avril Lavigne

For absolutely no reason, welcome to our new weekday feature All Avril Afternoons, where Burnsy and I choose to sit inside and write about Avril instead of running around barefoot in the grass and enjoying what’s left of our youth. Up first is a foul-mouthed transcript from pop-hornstress Avril Lavigne’s most recent visit to Tampa and their Rays, wherein she throws out the first pitch and says a lot of curse words. She’s known to do that. She’s a fountain of forced obscenity, and the only thing plugging her up is the word “like.” And maybe Brody Jenner.

But yeah, this is a music and celebrities site so we’ll move on to The Dugout, which follows after the jump. Be sure to drop a comment and join the ever-growing Dugout community, then head over to Facebook and “like” us for non-stop, exclusive Avril Lavigne discussion.

The Dugout

  **Online Host**
Welcome to the Tampa Bay Rays Greenroom Chatroom.
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: avril lavigne is it safe to assume that your song "keep holding on" is a love song from the dragon’s point of view
LavigneLasVegas: aeeww who the f@#% are u get the f@#% away from meh
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: sorry i just thot that because it was on the soundtrack to the major motion picture "eragon"

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: typo, sorry, the major motion picture "dragon"

LavigneLasVegas: f@#% /throws up middle fingers
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: avril in the song "sk8r boi" [sp] would you be able to provied information in addition to “he was a boy she was a girl” if presst, should the situation be less than obvious to the audients
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: also in said song are you a triflin bitch y/n
LavigneLasVegas: f@#% u!!!!!!!
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: remember that video where you’re are homeless
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: remenber that video where your black haired an tryen to steal a teenage man from a red headed bookish hotter preppie version of you
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: in the song "complicated" have you ever considerd that your the problem
LavigneLasVegas: what’re you talking about
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: you say you like him the way he are when your driven in his car, right, when he’s talken to you 1-on-1
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: but he be-comes somebody else round evryone else watchen his back like he caint relax
LavigneLasVegas: right
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: round evryone else
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: seems like hes the way he is with them normly an hes just acken this way in his car with you to get you’re bony avian asshole into bed
LavigneLasVegas: f@#% u!!!!!!! f@#% u!! /throws up horns, realizes she meant middle fingers, tries to play off "horns" as middle fingers
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: avril remember hte song "my happy endings"
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: it goes "youve got your dumb friends/i know what they say/they tell you i’m difficult/but so are they/but they don’t know me/do they even know you"
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: you see that part where you say you’re boyfriends friends are dumb and don’t know him, and you get mad at them for not knowing you and thinking your difficult
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: do you think maybe your the problem in all of your songs
LavigneLasVegas: f@#% u
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what is that, it looks like heathcliff the cat is fighten in your words
LavigneLasVegas: ahm sayin’ the f-word! Ungh! /thrusts crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: no u arnt

when you type fcuk in chat it comes out looken like f**k or sometimes f***, been that way since aol upgraded us like four years ago

your fcukens got hash marks an andpersands

LavigneLasVegas: oh

well im not typing the actual f-word I’m typing f@#% so it LOOKS like a cuss word, because i’m PUNK, UNGH! /smokes

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: o
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey avril lavigne do you recall being marriaged to the guy from some 41 the band
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: did you marry him because he was the small less masculine version fo you
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: like if i married tyler clippard
LavigneLasVegas: f**k you!!!!!!
  **Online Host**
LavigneLasVegas has left the chatroom.
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: gees, language
Maddon11: Hey Kyle, what’s up? Ready to not pitch tonight?
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey so uh avril lavigne
Maddon11: Yeah?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: worst f**ken replacement for many ramirez ever

worse than trot nixon

Maddon11: Damn, don’t say anything you can’t take back.
Maddon11: She’s just throwing out the first pitch. We don’t start platooning her in the outfield until next week.
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: whore you platoonen her with, sky sweetenthem
Maddon11: Sorry, don’t get the reference.
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i wish you did
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