The New NBA Players Union President Chris Paul Wants HGH And Flopping

Senior Writer
08.23.13 4 Comments

(via Getty Image)

Los Angeles Clippers point guard Chris Paul is so serious about his role as the new head of the NBA Players Union that he reportedly talked LeBron James out of running for the position. Granted, James was probably like, “Hey, I might do this” and Paul responded, “Why don’t you stay home and make a billion dollars by doing nothing instead?” so James said, “Good plan” and then teleported to one of his mansions. Nevertheless, the man they call CP3 means business, and TMZ has the scoopity scoop on his first plans as the head honcho.

With the backing of his fellow players, who voted Paul into this position because of his “cojones and clout,” the prez wants to make sure that the NBA doesn’t fall victim to any of those BS new rules that the NFL and Major League Baseball are dealing with.

Sources tell us … Paul is taking his new role very seriously — and is already talking to players about his agenda, which includes:

— Preparing a battle plan to fight any league proposal for HGH testing

— Eliminating flopping fines

— Forbidding any dress code additions/changes

Additionally, all starting players will be able to sleep with groupies on the bench when they’re taking breathers (Dwight Howard asked for that one), Chris Kaman will be able to play defense with a crossbow, Lamar Odom is allowed to have the security guards fire bear tranquilizer darts at Khloe Kardashian if she tries to enter any arena that he’s playing in, and Chris Bosh is allowed to spray opposing players with his venom no more than twice per game.

But seriously, let them do away with flopping, so long as Paul shows up to lecture every player as it happens…

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