09.08.08 10 years ago 11 Comments

Sadly, the jersey you see here was only worn for the short period of time before the Bengals embarrassed themselves on Sunday.  Even though Chad Johnson legally changed his last name to Ocho Cinco, the NFL and Reebok united to smother any fun from a player changing his name to Spanish numbers.

“While the NFL has recognized the legal name change of Chad Johnson to Chad Ocho Cinco, the league informed the Bengals today that certain issues remain to be resolved before Ocho Cinco will be permitted to wear his new surname on his jersey,” the league said in a statement. [..]

Contacted Sunday by The Associated Press, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said, “He has a financial obligation to Reebok, which produces the jerseys available to fans. That has to be resolved before the on-field jersey can be changed.” […]

“He’s legally changed his name, so we’re willing to recognize that,” [commissioner Roger] Goodell said. “There’s what I call a more administrative issue that has to be dealt with. There’s a large inventory of jerseys that are out there with 85 Johnson. Any player that changes a number or changes his name has to address that so that our licensing is not stuck with a large inventory.”

Put more succinctly, the NFL wants to sell more “Johnson” jerseys before it starts making “Ocho Cinco” jerseys.  Added Goodell, “Ja, ze NFL’s bottom line ist more important zan your pitiful American laws.  Now buy zome merchandise!!  SCHNELL!!!”

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