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There it is. After the initial 16 entrants chosen by With Leather and the follow-up, fan-chosen 16, the first annual With Leather Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March Madness Tournament has its brackets and is ready to begin.
Now comes the hard part: trying to decide which of these is worse than the other.
On the following pages you’ll find the match-ups listed above. You’ll be asked to reconsider the song lyrics and make your decision in the individual polls under each battle. Your votes will be the only thing deciding the winner, so vote early and pressure everyone you know to vote for your favorite entrants. Votes will count until Monday, March 18. I’m pushing for an American Males/Buff Bagwell showdown in the With Leather bracket, but I’m not gonna be aggressive about it. I also kinda want Kaitlyn to shock the world and take the whole thing.
Anyway, you made this happen, so now let’s make it big. If you don’t, Biker Taker will EXPLODE AT YOU~.
1. Undertaker – ‘You’re Gonna Pay’
“Nice guys, it’s said they always finish last. But bad asses always kicking asshole’s ass.”
16. Dusty Rhodes – ‘American Dream’
“If you are black or white, redneck funky, that’s all right! Blue-eyed with a lot of soul, common man has got his goal.”
2. Layla – ‘Insatiable’
“I’m insatiable, I can’t get enough. I need to find a boy!”
15. Ricky Steamboat – ‘Family Man’
“Loves his wife and son and does the best he can. The only wrestler who’s not hard to understand. Ricky Steamboat the dragon!”
3. American Males – ‘American Males’
“AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES!”
14. Steven Regal – ‘Real Man’s Man’
“He’s a man. Such a man. He’s a real. A real man’s man. MAAAAAAAN.”
4. Rey Mysterio – ‘619’
“Watcha’ gonna do when you’re on your back from my mean body slam? Aww damn, you’re whack.”
13. Hulk Hogan – ‘American Made’
“He was born and raised in the U-S of A. He’s got to be inspected, he’s US Grade. If you mess with the flag, it’s like a slap in his face!”
5. Billy Gunn – ‘Ass Man’
“I love to love ’em. I love to kick ’em. I love to shove ’em. I love to stick ’em. Love to flaunt ’em. I love to watch ’em. I love to pick ’em. And I’m gonna kick ’em. ‘Cause I’m an Ass Man. Yeah, I’m an Ass Man. Yes, I’m an Ass Man. (OH!) I’m an Ass Man.”
12. Jesse & Festus – ‘Biscuits And Gravy’
“Biscuits and gravy made me a man! Aw biscuits and gravy made me all that I am. Ain’t no ham-and-egger … something you’ve always been!”
6. Buff Bagwell – ‘Buff Daddy’
“Buff Daddy. I’m Buff Daddy. Buff Daddy. Buff is the stuff. Buff…… Daddy. I’m simply delicious. Buff Daddy. Buff Daddy. Buff…… Daddy. I’m so sexy.”
11. Rob Van Dam – ‘The Whole F’n Show’
“Rob Van Dam! The whole F’n show! Rob Van Dam! The whole F’n show! Van daminator! Van terminator! Van crushinator! Van assassinator!”
7. Kaitlyn – ‘Spin The Bottle’
“So why don’t you spin the bottle? Spin it right around, but aim it towards me now. Yeah, why don’t you come and spin the bottle? Push it one degree so it will point at me, ‘cause I just want to be your supermodel.”
10. Sting – ‘The Man Called Sting”
“He does this. He does that! He’s big as a bull and quick as a cat. He looks fine!”
8. Steiner Brothers – ‘Steinerized’
“Here’s the story of two brothers, Rick and Scott. They don’t use drugs and they’re always on top!”
9. Zack Ryder – ‘Radio’
“I’m gonna drink some beer tonight, YEAH! Gonna get some girls I like. I’m gonna wear my pants real tight. All the girls are gonna treat me … just right!”
1. AJ Styles – ‘I Am’
“When I fly, it’s not evil. It’s just like being Evil Knievel. I jump to the left and I roll to the right, because I try to win the belt every night!”
16. The Rock – ‘Do You Smell It’
“The Rock says. The Rock says. The Rock says. The Rock says. The Rock says. The Rock says ‘know your damn role.’ Know your role. The Rock says. The Rock says. The Rock says. The Rock says. The Rock says. The Rock says ‘know your damn role.'”
2. Funaki – ‘Kung Fu San’
“Fu Naki likes to, fish for croppie while he listens, to Pavarotti. Heard he tried to be, a rap disc jockey. Didn’t work out, moved to Abu Dhabi. Guess the rest is, histor-aty. But my memory, a little bit groggy.”
15. Heidenreich – ‘Dangerous Politics’
“Heiden, Heidenreich, Hei-den-reich. Heiden, Heidenreich, Hei-den-reich. Heiden-reich, Heiden-reich. Heiden, Heidenreich.”
3. Matt Hardy – ‘Live For The Moment’
“I can slap a tornado. I can dry up a sea, yeah!”
14. Strike Force – ‘Girls In Cars’
“They pass you on the road with a smile and you have to look twice, and you wonder to yourself could a woman really look that nice. Mmmm, girls in cars, girls in cars … I love girls in cars, girls in cars.”
4. Chyna – ‘Who I Am’
“Don’t treat me like a woman. Don’t treat me like a man. Don’t treat me like you know me. Treat me for just who and what I am.”
13. X-Factor – ‘What’chu Lookin’ It’
“I’ve got everything i ever wanted and I’ll never give that back. Oh I know you hate [X-Factor] but you ain’t gotta look at me like that I say you ain’t gotta look at me like that.”
5. Jeff Jarrett – ‘My World’
“He ain’t dead, he ain’t The Rock. Don’t wanna hear your big mouth off.”
12. Too Cool – “Turn It Up”
“Turn it up! Bangin’ it, bangin’ it, bangin’ it, Bangin’ it bangin’ it, bangin’ it. Ah, that was interesting.”
6. Billy Kidman – ‘You Can Run’
”Keep acting tough, it’s gonna get creepy. All of a sudden you startin’ to feel sleepy. But in these streets when you doze off you wake up with your clothes off. It’s a shame feeling so lost.”
11. Rob Conway – ‘Just Look At Me’
“Each time I stare into that mirror baby, I just have to realize, why they all take every star in Hollywood and throw them in the sea.”
7. Hillbilly Jim – ‘Don’t Go Messin’ With A Country Boy’
“When I was a little boy baby, I cut my teeth on a big ol’ tree. Mama filled my bottle from a moonshine still. My first meal was the bear she killed. Bear she killed, the bear she killed, my first meal was the bear she killed.”
10. 2 Cold Scorpio – ‘2 Cold Scorpio’
“Who’s his opponent, he don’t care. Like the Gulf War, brother, he attacks from the air!”
8. Alex Riley – ‘Say It To My Face’
“Soon enough I’ll find you, in the dark behind you, I’ll be waiting.”
9. John Cena – ‘My Time Is Now’
“I got the whole block wishin’ they could run with my division but they gone fishin’ with no bait, kid your boy hold weight. I got my soul straight. I brush your mouth like Colgate.”
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I am trying so hard to ensure American Males wins. When I was young, my mom and dad would just laugh when those two wrestled, and now I get why.
I’m not sure you’ll have to try too hard.
I’m with ya. Every time I listen to that song and see their Sears Portrait Studio photo I find some thing new to laugh about.
I’m personally more amused by the lyrics between all the droning.
“You might wind up being in crit-ical condition!”
*Puts on goggles*
LET’S DO THIS FOR SCIENCE!!!!!
Ze goggles… Zey do NOTHING!
I have done my voting duty. :-D
You’re “I Voted” button is on its way!
Is that Corey Taylor from Slipknot/Stone Sour doing the RVD TNA theme? If so, a) why? and b) that song is still not as bad as Buff’s.
Whenever I see the letters “TNA,” it’s an automatic “worst.”
I always get a big sad and angry feeling whenever I hear words like these … I’m a big TNA fan, brother ! so, is it too much to ask everybody to stop this because it’s not funny ?!
“Stop being mean and mocking the legitimately awful wrestling promotion that I like!”
I think it’s more “stop making the same blanket statements/assumptions everyone does, because all wrestling companies do shitty things, and these attitudes make people miss out on the good things that are actually happening.”
”Keep acting tough, it’s gonna get creepy. All of a sudden you startin’ to feel sleepy. But in these streets when you doze off you wake up with your clothes off. It’s a shame feeling so lost.” GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY.
Kidman’s theme is amazing if you pretend it’s done by Yung Humma.
That Kidman theme is great as long as you don’t understand English.
When I was a kid and the Steiners theme used to come on I’d just mumble along and then belt out “Stein-ahs!” like it was “The End of the World As We Know It” and you got to the Leonard Bernstein part.
Aaaahahahahha spot on.
I just voted, and though some were really close, the last one was definitely the hardest choice as both are terrible.
I went with Cena in the end and it’s at 50-50
Also voted for Cena. The man’s a walking worst.
This is nonsense. It certainly shouldn’t be considered worse than a song that’s probably about rape.
Yeah, I went with Riley. If nothing else, he should be able to beat Cena at something.
Being a Cena fan is worse than being raped by Alex Riley
“Soon enough I’ll find you, in the dark behind you, I’ll be waiting. Prepare your anus.”
I’m really happy Billy Gunn is not on this list. I am an advocate for that song. I defy you to find a lyricist/songwriter who can do a better job with that subject matter, than the masterpiece that was Mr. Ass “Badass” Billy Gunn’s music.
He’s in the first bracket, yo.
I’ll agree that the song’s probably better than it has any right to be, but some of the vocabulary choices in the first verse doom it, I think. Is “shoving an ass” some euphemism I’ve never heard before? And “pick ’em”… I know the interpretation is that he’s picking the best asses out in some sort of booty contest, but I’d wager that’s not really what too many people think of first.
And I know it’s not the chosen lyric for the purposes of this contest, but: “You walk behind me, I feel the heat / That’s why the girls don’t walk behind me down the street” is nonsensical. So when girls walk behind him on the street, he feels the symbolic heat, of their staring at his ass, I assumed. But then he states that girls don’t walk behind him *because* of the heat, which implies that it’s not from their ogling at all, but rather that his ass is putting off the heat. But why would the girls not want to follow him? Are they getting burnt? I figured it was metaphorical heat, but something’s going on here, and it involves Billy Gunn’s ass being on fire.
What!?! (glasses!) aw no! billy Gunn, and no love for Real Mans Man!?! Bah.
“Real Man’s Man” is on the bracket, too. I voted against it because that song rules so much.
You should flip through the match-ups so you can see who’s in all of them, guy
The “No love” I referred to is that it IS on this list. Real Man’s Man, is choice. If you had any question, as to wether Mr. Regal was a “man”, then your questions are answered.
People that vote for Billy Gunn are DEAD TO ME. “Mr. Ass” is the pinnacle of Jim Johnston’s career.
Which, at this moment means 67.29% of you are corpses.
“the best surprises always sneak up from behind”
i agree that song is pure brilliance.
Ass Man should not be on the list
Agreed.
Uncle Kracker always loses.
I was torn between voting against American Males because I genuinely love it and voting for it so I can hear it every time one of these posts comes up.
I don’t know why Steinerized is on this list. Sounds like a good wholesome message. Maybe if more of the rap was like that instead of smoking the weird and smacking butts then the kids wouldn’t be wearing their pants low and being such delinquents to honest citizens… get back in school and get yourself a job.
I was going to vote Heiden, Heiden-reich until I actually listened to Funaki’s theme instead of just reading the lyrics.
Van Dam versus Buff Bagwell is impossible to pick.
RVD equals TNA. Van Dam gets the vote.
These are the toughest decisions in life. I can’t make up my mind on those two!
Agreed, absolutely brutal pick.
What tipped me over to RVD was that they tacked on Van Crushinator and Van Assassinator to the list of moves he does. Those aren’t things! (But they really should be. Because I want to see Van Dam kick the robot from Futurama in to someone’s face.)
Van Assassinator…so RVD murders vans!?
Ended up going with Buff Bagwell, because of the way he says Buff Daddy.
Buff!… … Daddy!
I admit I have a weakness for some of the 80s cheese rock on the list, especially anything not American Males from WCW in that era. I just think they are way less both lyrically and musically bad compared to newer stuff, primarily the insane Divas stuff.
Bonus points (toward voting for your) if you have bad lyrics and you are effectively impossible to decipher thanks to your mushmouth.
Wait, Funaki’s lyrics are the BEST! How did he get a three seed here!?
Two seed, I mean.
Is his song done by Afroman? Or maybe Afroman’s less successful brother, perhaps?
Kidman FTW
Couldn’t Kaitlyn have just used Julianna Hatfield’s ‘Spin the Bottle’ or did WWE not want to pay for the rights?
Also, I have done my civic duty and voted.
I keep looking but I don’t see “Sexy Boy” anywhere up there. Obviously there’s some kind of mistake or I’m simply blind.
I only wish I’d remembered to make my case for that.
Sexy Boy is the pinnacle of awesome. So shush! ;)
I did not vote for the President, but I sure as hell voted for this.
Chyna vs. X-Pac in round one. Lot of history there…
DO NOT GOOGLE Chyna vs X-Pac. I was just looking for voting assistance, I swear. My eyes cannot unsee…
When i woke up this morning, I did not expect to face such a tough decision today. But here we are… Hillbilly Jim vs. 2 Cold Scorpio.
X-Factor vs. Chyna in the FIRST ROUND?! Man.
I’m rooting for a Family Man upset in the first round.
The fact that ARy is loosing and Kidman is barely holding onto his lead makes me believe that everyone voting is fine with lyrics about rape.
Lyrics about IMPLIED rape.
The weird out-of-context rape implications don’t bother me as much as the fact that the line doesn’t make a lot of sense IN context. The song’s called “Say It to My Face” and has lines like “pretend that you’re a man / who had the nerve to stand / and look me in the eye”. All right, pretty standard fare. But then THAT line comes along, and if you’re adhering to these notions that being a MAN means STAND AND LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND FIGHT ME, why are you hiding in the dark to sneak-attack a guy?
I guess you could argue that it’s one of those situations where a face tries to adhere to a Code of Honor or whatever and the heel keeps breaking the rules to humiliate him, so the face has to buck the rules as well to even the playing field and then FU a guy off a car through the stage or something. But the Miz never really ducked Riley when he turned face and got this song, and I think the Miz even won the rubber match, so yeah. It’s not a crown jewel of the WWE musical pantheon, no.
Steven Regal’s could have gone pretty far in this tourney if it wasn’t against American Males in the first round.
Holy amazeballs – I must have missed the Funaki fake kung fu fighting entrance theme era but that is definitely the underrated 2 seed that crushes the field and wins the whole thing
Surprisingly hard work weighing up the lyrics posted and trying not to take much else into consideration but I’ve done my duty.
I’m pretty sure all the Vans listed in RVD’s theme were bigwigs at Sun City in the 80s. Boooooooo RVD!
I f’ing hate that Chyna’s themes lyrics are considered stupid. God forbid someone be defined by their own individuality and not rigid gender roles.
Also, the Rob Conway theme is a gift from God and I hate anyone who has anything bad to say about it.
Chyna’s lyrics aren’t bad because they’re expressing individuality over rigid gender roles, they’re bad because they say “don’t treat me like a woman, don’t treat me like a man, don’t treat me like you know me, treat me for just who and what I am,” which includes that ever-important “don’t treat me like you know me” line, which makes it translate to a weird illogical abstract thing where she wants you to treat her like she is, but not like anything she is.
It’s like when Shania Twain sang “That Don’t Impress Me Much,” and the moral is supposed to be female empowerment, but the actual lyrics translate to “I don’t care if you’re smart, handsome or successful, I only care if you’re good at fingering me.”
The “Treat me like who and what I am” throws wrench in the song being about individuality and more of a repetitive incomprehensible slogan.
Individuality my ass!This theme and the lyrics are the most stupid crap i’ve ever heard
I loved the stupidity of a man`s man Regal
All i know is that Hillbilly Jim got jobbed at the slammys. “Grab them Cakes” was just awful, and not deserving. I blame the Academy.
Also I vote that Kid Rocks undertaker theme sucks the most ass
Your brackets are messed up. The way you have it set up is the 1 and 5 seeds having the easiest path to the semifinals. It should be the 1 and 2 seeds having that advantage. I realize that it doesn’t matter in the slightest, but this is a sports site dammit and I want this tourney to be legit.
I know. The seeds aren’t really based on anything but the random order in which they appeared, so if you pretend the numbers are different, nothing changes.
Oh god, Biscuits and Gravy or Ass Man. That’s like choosing between Snooki or Courtney Love…..
I don’t know about anyone else but I loved the real man’s man gimmick, mainly cause of that song!
I had to fight a war inside my brain for my Zach Ryder vs. Stiener bros pick. Straightful up awful vs. intensely ironic. I’ve never done anything more challenging in my life.
This Chyna vs. X-pac in the porno match up is absolute horse shit! I wanted a gross porno finals.
Does Brook have her own theme? Cuz then she could meet up with her father…
Brook’s theme is a million children crying.
This made my day. The 5 seed Mr. Ass for the win!
Dusty Rhodes being on this list made me sad.
How could anyone hate “AMEEEEEEEEERIICAAAAAAAAAAAANN…. DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAMMM”?
Also, I guess I’m in the minority when I say I like “Radio”, just because it’s so bad it’s good.
The Downstait version of the song though? Pretty damn good.
Most of the poll results are pretty close. If this was the NCAA 1st Round, it would be the best March Madness ever.
P.S.: Why is everything center aligned? Did someone change the website or did I hit my head and not realize it?
I feel like Regal’s theme is too low of a seed but has no Chance of advancing because it is facing what should be a true number one seed in American Males. Regal’s theme could probably beat half of the other songs here.
American Males should be a #1 seed. Sad thing is “American Males! American Males! American Males! etc.” isn’t even the worst lyric in the song. Try this one: “When ya see them comin, better run for cover! Girls you dont need a weekend lover… Ha ha! American Males!” Guess Riggs and Bagwell don’t do romance during the week.
(the seeds are totally meaningless and aren’t even seeds, they’re just to keep everything numbered)
The sad thing is X Factor could have had two entries in this competition. Seeded WAYYY too low, though.
Funaki has the BEST them music of all time. Listened to it about five times, and made an account to let you all know.
I can’t bring myself to hate on Funaki’s theme. Same with Regal’s. They’re fucking dumb, but in the best way possible. The way that reminds me of Strong Bad’s wrestling email and the “Il’ Cartographer” entrance. Google it, kids.
Voted. Chyna’s theme will take this, I think. At the very least there will be a strong DX presence all the way through.
Kidman’s is kinda, well, a bit rape-y?
Yeeeahh… definitely.
American Males is a 3 seed? It should have been number one overall!
Sorry Hillbilly Jim, but the modified “EVERYBODY DANCE NOW” in Scorpio’s theme makes his automatically better.
To be fair, though, we didn’t need to look at X-Factor like that. It was a conscious decision we made… for all of the three months they existed? I might have repressed those memories.
I think listening to Buff Daddy whilst high ended all of my cognitive functions.