The With Leather Dummy's Guide To Enjoying The NCAA Championship Game

Well, friends, here we are. As the R&B quartet Boys II Men once crooned, “It’s the end of the road, and I something something something” and for the NCAA Tournament, we have indeed reached the end of the road with tonight’s championship game between the No. 1 Kentucky Wildcats and the No. 2 Kansas Jayhawks. Of course, these are the two teams that I picked to be in this title game since the beginning of the season, but I’m not here to brag.

I’ll be back at it for one last chat-stravaganza for tonight’s game, and unlike during Saturday’s action, I will have Internet access. Serious question – do the people who run Las Vegas intentionally want people to have no cell phone coverage? It was incredible how rarely I couldn’t find a signal to even Tweet about the random douchery that I witnessed and may have even possibly participated in.

But mainly, I wanted to convey the insanity of a Vegas sports book during one of the biggest days of the sports year, and it was pretty much what I expected – a bunch of old dudes and degenerates pouting and checking their senses of humor at the door. I dare any of you to go to a sports book in Vegas tonight and make jokes about Anthony Davis’ unibrow. You’ll get a handful of grunts and a few death stares, if they’re in a good mood.

As for the actual game itself – AKA the reason we’re all here – let’s break it down…

The Skinny: You can’t write a much better script than this, with two NCAA men’s basketball heavyweights facing off in a rematch of their second game of the season. Kentucky won that game by a dime – a little gamble speak I picked up from the psychos – and it was a standard display of just how good Anthony Davis is and how awesome he will probably be at the pro level, with his 14 points and 7 blocks. If I’m a Charlotte Bobcats fan that hasn’t hung myself yet, I’m awfully excited about the potential of being so terrible.

What you need to know about Anthony Davis Kentucky: The Wildcats obviously have the better offense. And Davis may be young and auditioning for the lead role in Freida 2: Brow Down, but he’s proven time and again that he’s nearly impossible to stop. I think it’s spectacular that right as Tim Duncan’s career is winding down, we’ve been treated to his clone.

What you need to know about Kansas: As I’ve said throughout the entire tournament, I think that Kansas is the most well-balanced team in college hoops. The Jayhawks obviously play much better defense, and a lot of people think that defense wins championships. I am trying my hardest to not completely sploosh over Davis, but Kansas is going to have to play incredible defense tonight.

Who should win: Kansas. I just think they’re built better.

Who will win: Kentucky. John Calipari will have himself a national championship tonight, Bob Knight’s head will later explode on national TV, and grumpy writers and fans will pound their ham fists on their desks because they like to accuse Calipari of being a cheat, because it’s fun to hate the successful guy. Trust me, I know.

Stick around and chat tonight, as I’ve got plenty more shirts to give away, and you’re not doing anything else.