Tom Brady Is Charging Ridiculous Amounts Of Money To Have Him Sign Stuff

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New England Patriots quarterback, and friend to Trump, Tom Brady is at it again, folks. The sports person that has earned nearly a quarter-billion dollars in NFL salary and has recently entered into the world of magic pajamas has found yet another route for extracting money from his fans — an insanely priced autographed session.

TMZ has the details of this thing:

Basically, you tell the company what you want signed and TB12 will sign it.

Footballs — $1,000 each
Autographed photo — $850
Patriots mini-helmet — $900
Tom Brady “game day” style jersey — $1,200

Want him to add the words “5X SB CHAMP”? … that’ll be an extra $400.

He’ll also add a 20 character personalization for an additional $500.

Why is “game day” in quotes? Why would you give this doofus a grand to sign a ball? Who set the rate on 5X SB CHAMP? Does it have to be in all caps like that? Can he really not spell out “Super Bowl” because of trademark? How is a mini-helmet only $100 cheaper than a football? Is there a limit on photo size? Is an 8×12 the same as a poster? How were these arbitrary prices chosen?

The true beauty is the 20-character bonus. It’s like adding guac at Chipotle. “A 20-character personalization? You know that’s extra, right?” “Yeah, man, I know how it works. Just add it.”

FYI: “I’m just a positive person” is only a few characters over the limit. Getting him to sign that is worth the extra $100 on top of the $400 he’s stealing from you. Just do it.