UFC 199 Predictions: Can Michael Bisping Shock The World?

06.03.16 3 years ago 3 Comments

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Hi, fight fans! We’ve got a pair of title fights on deck for UFC 199, which is fun and exciting. Everything kicks off at 6:15 p.m. ET on Fight Pass with the early prelims, then we move to Fox Sports 1 at 8 p.m. ET for the regular prelims. The main card is only on pay per view, starting at 10 p.m. ET, so let’s take a look at predictions for every single fight, and join Uproxx Sports for a live discussion of the whole event.

2016 Important Results:

Jessica: 92-78-3 (54 percent)
Burnsy: 74-71-2 (51 percent)
Ryan: 5-1 (83 percent)
Jason: 19-16-1 (54 percent)
Jackman: 7-5 (58 percent)
Enrique: 7-5 (58 percent)
Jamie: 16-13-1 (55 percent)
Justin: 13-4 (76 percent)
Marty: 20-12-1 (62 percent)
Jared: 13-11 (54 percent)
Parker: 3-4 (43 percent)
Team Davis: 46-37-2 (55 percent)

Note from Team Davis: Here are Abby’s picks for UFC 199. I was feeling silly, so I decided to write from Abby’s perspective. Just because!

Good evening, humans.

The name is Abigail. My friends call me “Abby”. Mew can call me “Abigail”. You may have heard of me. I went 10-1 picking MewFC Fight Night 83. This is astounding for several reasons, almost all of them being that I’m a f&*king cat.

Due to various meowbligations, timing issues, and a lack of opposable thumbs, I’ve been unable to do predictions since MewFC 196. Kittens, no matter how cute, are ill-suited for prognostication. Thus, my return.

How did I do my picks? Funny mew should ask. My assistants went to the MewFC homepage and printed out the matchup pictures. Then they placed an offering of Whiskas beside each fighter’s head and I ate whichever pleased me most. Then, like imbeciles, they wrote down whichever fighter’s food I ate first. Weirdos.

Now that I’ve told mew, I’ll have to kill mew. That was my plan all along. Are mew prepared to lose to a cat?

Lightweight – Dong Hyun “Maestro” Kim vs. Polo “El Toro” Reyes

Jessica: Little Dong down to lightweight! I’m normally wary of picking a guy making his debut at a lower weight class, but Kim has fluctuated a good bit in his career. Kim wins by second round submission.

Burnsy: Does Dong make all of his friends call him Maestro in social settings? He should. If he doesn’t, he won’t get my pick, but I can imagine the Kramer version of his entourage making a case for it, so let’s give the W to Dong.

Abigail, a Cat: Pick: Reys
Why?: I was told to not be inappropriate. I was very tempted by Dong.
Method: Chastisement, Shame, and Embarrassing Arousal

Middleweight – “King” Kevin Casey vs. Elvis “The King” Mutapcic

Jessica: Oh dang, King Fight! Casey has decent power and good grappling, but he’s also a very gassy man. Mutapcic hasn’t been finished before, so I think he’ll be able to outlast Casey and get him all tuckered out. Mutapcic wins via third round TKO on a very gassy man.

Burnsy: Bottom line, the loser of this fight has to change his nickname to Stable Boy or Peasant. I still like my King to be of the Elvis variety, so I’m gonna stand by Mutapcic to remove the crown from Casey’s head.

Abigail, a Cat: Pick: Mutapic
Why?: I peed on Kevin Casey’s face. My bad. [Note: This was written well before Muhammad Ali’s death. While I, Journalist of the Year, Suzanne Davis, do not have much of a history with boxing, per se, I am well aware of Ali’s greatness outside of the ring. I am also aware that Kevin Casey is his son-in-law. Sorry Dr. Vet’s cat peed on you, Kevin. — Suzanne]
Method: Regicide

Light Heavyweight – Luiz Henrique “Frankenstein” de Silva vs. Jonathan “Johnny Bravo” Wilson

Jessica: FRANKENSTEIN! Wilson is gonna get picked apart piece by piece and end up laid out stiff. Silva wins by second round KO.

Burnsy: I like all nicknames based on cartoon character references, so unless Luiz wants to change his nickname to Frankenberry, I’m going with Johnny Bravo.

Abigail, a Cat: Pick: Wilson
Why?: I have my reasons.
Method: Amewsement

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