UPROXX 20: Jonathan Kite Just Loves A Casino Buffet

Jonathan Kite is an actor and comedian probably best known for portraying Oleg Golishevsky on the CBS comedy 2 Broke Girls. You may have also seen him on shows like Raising Hope, In the Flow with Affion Crockett and American Dad. Season five of 2 Broke Girls premieres on Thursday, November 12.

Jonathan was nice enough to take a few minutes out of his busy schedule recently to answer a few questions from us.

1. You walk into a bar. What do you order from the bartender?

Long answer: Depends on the bar and the bartender. Depends why I’m at the bar. Depends if I’ve noticed the mysterious brunette sitting alone. Depends if she’s noticed me. Depends if the seat next to her is taken. She says it’s not. She invites me to sit down. We spend the evening laughing and staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Have we met before? It feels like I’ve known you my whole life. I put my hand in hers as we both lean in for a kiss we will never forget. When I open my eyes, I’m not sure how long we were embraced. I turn. Check please. We leave. Does it matter what we were drinking? Short answer: gin in spring/summer, whiskey in fall/winter.

2. Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?

Instagram: @artcomesfirst. I also follow three hedgehog accounts… so that’s where I’m at in life! (drops mic) (picks mic up forgetting that there are 18 more questions)

3. What’s currently waiting for you on your DVR?

Poldark on PBS.

4. It’s your last meal — what are you going out with?

An all I can eat buffet, preferably from the Bellagio Hotel in Vegas. The flight and fact that I can eat my weight in crab legs should stay my execution until business hours the following day. Or 49er flap jacks and loaded hash browns from Walker Bros. Pancake house in Illinois.

5. What websites do you visit on a regular basis?

Email. That’s a website, right?

6. What’s the most frequently played song on your mobile device?

My playlist of ’80s movie montage songs that include: “You’re the Best Around” (Karate Kid), “Mind Over Matter” (Summer School), “Send Me an Angel” (The Wizard), “Rock Until You Drop” (Monster Squad), and “Win in the End” (Teen Wolf)

7. The first face that comes to mind when you think “punchable?”

Puncho Villa, the wacky mascot of Punchables; Now you can have punch for lunch… every day! New Punchables!

8. What’s the last thing you googled?

Flights for an upcoming trip.

9. Dogs or cats?

Dogs by day, cats by night.

10. Best concert of your life was…?

Boyz II Men, Milwaukee Summerfest.

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11. What book are you most likely to give as a gift?

The Bible, but with the middle cut out so you can hide stuff inside a la Shawshank Redemption.

12. What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

Let me live in them for nine months without asking for a rent check.

13. South Park or Family Guy?

Rick & Morty.

14. You have an entire day to do whatever you want. What would you do?

Roadtrip with buddies or Netflix and chill.

15. What movie can you not resist watching if it’s on?

Karate Kid. I can never go to bed until he (spoiler alert) beats Johnny.

16. The sports team or teams you’re most passionate about?

Bulls, Clippers, Blackhawks, Duke Blue Devils Men’s Basketball, Ladybugs, and ToonSquad.

17. Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

Next in Chicago. It was a Kyoto kaiseki style banquet. I’d like to change my answer above to that as my last meal. Final answer. Thank you.

18. The last movie you saw in a theater?


19. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Robin O’Neill, a cartoon character from the Mr. T animated series. I still think of her when I hear “Hello” by Adele…

20. What would you cook if Nic Cage was coming to your house for dinner?

I’d order White Castle because that’s what he’s used to. I heard he lives in castles and I imagine that’s what they serve in them. I don’t know. Never been. Maybe I should have googled that.