It's 2014 And Yet VH1 Is Still Giving Gerardo His Own Reality Series

Back in 2012, I was nominated for several Pulitzers and other such literary awards for a piece I wrote on some one-hit wonders and other pop stars that I wanted to see starring in their own reality series, a la Vanilla Ice on DIY. One such suggestion was a show entitled Geek-o Suave, on which Gerardo Mejia, the guy who gave us “Rico Suave” and then vanished from mainstream relevance, would bring us the day’s biggest tech, comic and video game news while not wearing his shirt and trying to have sex with our moms. It was a joke, mind you, but it seems that VH1 thought there was smoke to that spark.

According to Variety, VH1 believes that Gerardo might be the next Billy Ray Cyrus, in that he’s going to use his minimal celebrity notoriety to kick down the doors to stardom for his children. That idea alone was good enough for a 10-episode order for – and I’m not kidding – Suave Says. But go ahead, VH1. Tell us how a Y-list celebrity managing his family while helping to promote the musical ambitions of his children is any different than the dozens of other shows that have already murdered and buried the corpse of this wretched idea.

“Gerardo and his crazy, musical family truly break the reality TV mold,” said Susan Levison, VH1’s exec VP of original programming and production. “We knew we had our next buzz-worthy series as soon as he walked through our door. Plus, he still has those abs.”

Here’s a file photo for Susan Levison:

“I can’t wait for VH1’s audience to meet my wild family,” Mejía added. “We’re like Ricky and Lucy but with a handful of crazy kids trying to run my casa.”

Even George Lopez thinks the cultural pandering is shameless. It’s worth noting that this isn’t Gerardo’s first dip into the reality TV pool, as he and his wife, Kathy (banner, far right), took part in an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap with Sisqo last year. (Seriously, I can’t believe any of this is true.) Gerardo’s daughter, Nadia (middle), was also featured on that episode, and she is currently a model and, I’m going out on a limb here, an aspiring pop star/actress/TV personality. Rounding out the cast is Gerardo’s son, Jaden, who should immediately try to start a feud with Jaden Smith. Gerardo’s other daughter and niece will also appear on Suave Says, because we’re just going to play the odds and hope that more family members means more chances at a hit song.

Anyway, get ready to listen to “Rico Suave” on a daily basis again, courtesy of VH1, and let’s all brace ourselves for Gerardo’s eventual collaboration with Buck 22 on “Rico Suave 2.”