The Final Season Of ‘Parks And Recreation’ Is Fan Fiction At Its Best

Let’s pretend that during Seasons 6 and 7 of Parks and Recreation, Michael Schur had an aneurysm and decided to pick one lucky individual who’s spent far too much time of his or her life reading Fire Joe Morgan to join the Parks writing staff, and that lucky individual would pen the final pre-finale episodes of the series, and it’s also me.

The fake scripts I come up with in this scenario would have looked a lot like last night’s real “Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show” and “Two Funerals.” Well, not the exact jokes because Jen Statsky and Matt Hubbard are fantastic writers, and I’m pitching fictional schemes where I get to hang out with Chris Pratt, but the general plots. Here’s what my pitch to Schur — who, don’t worry, has recovered from his aneurysm — would sound like.

“Okay, Andy and April are moving to Washington, D.C., so how about we do an entire episode that’s actually an entire episode of Johnny Karate, and there’s a deadly spider, and John Cena drops by, and Andy is knighted, and Ben drops a Game of Thrones reference, and there are fake commercials for Paunch Burger, and Champion’s there. Then, in the second episode, we finally see Bill Murray as the mayor, but that’s not all. Jean-Ralphio, Mona-Lisa, Eagleton Ron, Bobby Newport, and the Douche are there, too, and Tom gets engaged, and Garry becomes the new mayor, and his induction ceremony involves an entire choir singing ‘All My Life’ by K-Ci & JoJo.

“I will accept payment in the form of Mouse Rat T-shirts.”

The not-me, actual writers are throwing everything at the wall. They’ve earned the right to do so, and knowing that the end is near, there’s nothing they can’t do, so long as all of the characters get their win. Everyone moves (except Ron), everyone gets married, and everyone has their dreams come true. It all feels earned because Parks has always been a feel-good show. Even Pawnee has gone from “The Akron of Southwest Indiana” to “When You’re Here, Then You’re Home,” with an interim mayor who loves his city more than Leslie loves waffles.

It’s been a goofy season of callbacks, references, and fan-pleasing cameos. It’s Parks and Recreation fan fiction, except the stories are coming from the actual writers. It’s been the most gleeful send-off in recent TV history, yet there’s still room for touching scenes like the one shared between April and Andy, and oh yeah, did I mention that they FINALLY GOT BILL MURRAY.

Parks and Recreation, you’re my Verizon-Exxon-Chipotle. I’m not ready to say goodbye.