5 Things We Would’ve Surely Seen In A ‘Friends’ Reunion Season

Yesterday, Josh brought to our attention a rumor from a HIGHLY CREDIBLE SOURCE that NBC was planning a Friends reunion season in 2014. Despite OBVIOUSLY legitimate reporting, however, it doesn’t look like that Friends reunion will actually come to fruition. At least not … yet (elipsis provided by E! Entertainment Network, which doesn’t want to let the possibility go, no matter how remote).

However, if it did, here’s five things you might expect to see in a Friends reunion season.

1. The entire Friends reunion season is told in flashback from the year 2049 by Jack, one of Monica and Chandler’s twins via the surrogate played by Anna Faris. Jack would be 45 years old in 2049. He’s relaying the story to his own children (Monica and Chandler’s grandchildren) of how he would meet their mother. In the final episode of the reunion season, we learn that nine-year-old Jack and 10 year old Emma (Ross and Rachel’s first child) share an adorable kiss at the third grade prom, leading to a lifelong friendship, romantic relationship, and eventually marriage. In the final scene of the season, the camera pulls back to reveal Ross, Rachel, Monica, and Chandler playing with their shared grandchildren together.

2. The impetus for the reunion season is the death of Phoebe Buffay, which brings everyone back together for the funeral. Pheobe died in a freak massage accident after she decided to receive a massage from one of her colleagues at the upscale parlor where she worked. It looked a little like this (NSFW).

However, at the funeral, Phoebe’s husband (Paul Rudd), hit it off with Phoebe’s twin sister, Ursuala, who is now the Governor of New York, and Mike would eventually become the state’s First Man. Ursula loses her bid for re-election, however, when the public learns that her new husband’s name is Crap Bag.

3. Monica and Chandler live in suburban New Jersey, just across the river from Manhattan. They are still happily married. Chandler now runs a company that employes over 100 transponsters that have made the company the leading provider of ANUS (Annual Net Usage Statistics) in the nation. Meanwhile, Monica — who still runs Javu, the restaurant in Manhattan — has regained all the weight she lost in her 20s, and she’s frequently referred to as Fat Monica again. One episode during the reunion season will center on the 9-year-old twins walking in on their father masturbating to Shark Week. In another episode, Chandler gets jealous because, in a series of chance encounters, Monica breaks out into a sweat every time she sees Richard Burke (Tom Selleck). Turns out, Monica was just having hot flashes due to her menopause.

4. After a failed acting career in Los Angeles, Joey moved back to Manhattan to open his own meatball sub sandwich shop, which is where much of the reunion season’s action takes place (rather than Central Perk). He remains unmarried, but he is also independently wealthy thanks to royalties from his short-lived cop show, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E, which has become a cult classic on Netflix. One episode, in fact, centers on hijinks at a Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E convention, while another episode, “The One with Al Pacino,” is about the time that Joey’s idol ordered a sub at his shop. Awkwardness ensues, however, when Joey tries to explain to Pacino that he once played his butt double.

5. When the season opens, Ross and Rachel have three kids between then, but are separated, and about to be divorced (Ross’ fourth divorce). Ross has moved in with Joey, while Rachel lives in their house next door to Monica and Chandler. Much of the reunion season is a comedy of remarriage between Ross and Rachel. Ultimately, however, they get back together when Ross gets jealous after Rachel goes on a date with a man she later learns was the same nervous airline passenger who stalled Rachel’s flight to Paris in the first series finale, played by Jim Rash.